Can You Shut Up Already?

It's been a busy week!

2012-01-10T07:48:00.003-05:00

Last Monday, I went to the hospital to have my son. We arrived arrived at 7am and Asher was born at 12:32pm, weighing in at 9lbs 13oz. 1lb and 3oz more than my last baby. Apparently I grow them big even without Gestational Diabetes, right? I'm still waiting a few more weeks, but the doctors do think I had diabetes before I was pregnant. So I can thank Asher for finding this out for me now. :(

Here I am at 7:30am, right before they put me in the room that I would return to for recovery (at least my hair looked pretty...)

This is also the room I spent getting out of bed every 2 minutes to pee in due to the IV's. I also spent a good amount of time crying. I would like to blame most of the tears from watching Jo and Ellen dying on Supernatural, but I can't lie. I was terrified. I didn't want to be cut open. I wanted my epidural free vaginal delivery. It just wasn't possible.

After being bumped a few times (such is life in a hospital!) and my husband sleeping in the chair next to me, my awesome nurse brought in our "outfits" for the OR. I got a pretty blue cap and he was given a giant yellow dress and a blue cap. I called him Big Bird quite a few times while lying on that operating table. I am not kidding about how wonderful my nurse was. She was the person who did my first hospital NST and I fell in love with her then. It was a Godsend that she was the person that was there to take care of me and comfort me even though I was a hormonal mess over the c-section.

You don't need all the gory details, but as my husband says, the first cries from your newborn are the most beautiful music you will ever hear. Even when lying on an operating room table having your placenta pulled out through a large cut in belly! (nice visual? I got a better one when said husband decided to let me know that he saw my intestines and described my placenta. Damn it dude! You weren't supposed to look you seeing over the curtain tall ass freak! Much love though darling)

Not long after, we were taken back to recovery, where I was finally able to hold my beautiful son. Where over the next golden hour, everyone was amazed to find out that he had no blood sugar issues!

January 2, 2012

2011-12-21T09:20:00.001-05:00

Unless he chooses to join us sooner, that's the set date of Asher's birthday. By cesarean.

What If I Had Never Been Born?

2011-12-14T12:25:00.003-05:00

Liz mentioned this today. She decided to wonder what our life would be like if she had never been born. Not in a "life sucks" kind of way, just a curious kind of way. So I told her the truth. If it weren't for her, I would have her sister, and if I hadn't of had her sister, I wouldn't have met her dad. If I hadn't of met her dad, I wouldn't be pregnant with Asher.

Of course, she doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, but the point is, if it wasn't for my Lizard, my life wouldn't be what it is today.

The Truth About Santa

2011-12-05T19:03:00.003-05:00

I knew it was coming. She's 9. Most kids have already stopped believing, but my daughter knows that her mother would NEVER buy the presents that Santa leaves under the tree. Last year she started questioning, but come Christmas morning, swore it was obvious that Santa was real. Which was strange, because why wouldn't mommy buy a pillow pet and a frilly hot pink dog bed? (OK, so maybe mom talked up how silly she thought it was and a waste of money. I'm nothing if not thorough. A dog bed for her stuffed kitty IS a waste of money! Freaking Ferocious the cat.)

This year however, there was no way not to talk about it. She was asking again and there was no way around it. She wanted a yes or no answer. So I told her. She smiled at me and said "I promise not to tell Emmy". A few days later, she's still true to her word. In fact, she's going above and beyond to make her sister think that she still believes. Which, if you know my child, is a RARE thing. She's usually going out of her way to make her sister feel dumb. (we are working on that one). Why is she doing this?

"Santa is real mommy. Santa is US!"

Can Christmas Be Here Yet?

2011-11-30T17:26:00.003-05:00

By the time it's done, I'm going to drink my own piss. <--- Total Bear Grylls reference for the ill informed. My loving Bowser is dying for his new survival knife and I'm kicking myself for not buying it at $38 on Amazon. For some reason I assumed it would go lower? Now if it hits $40 again, I'm jumping.

Shoot me. Shoot me now.

2011-11-27T23:15:00.002-05:00

Then (Thanksgiving night 2010)

Now (Thanksgiving night 2011)

I'm a horrible blogger.

2011-11-27T22:23:00.001-05:00

I really really am. In my defense, life has been really really busy, even if I am stuck on bed rest. 6 more weeks...

Awesome Sayings

2011-11-06T20:31:00.002-05:00

A few friends of mine find awesome things on the internet all the time. Todays jems made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I needed them.

*It looks like you need a hug.... Around the neck.... With a rope.*

*Instead of killing people with kindness, I think I'm just going to kill them*

My Insurance Thinks I Shoot Up

2011-10-06T10:06:00.002-04:00

Or that's the conclusion I've come up with. They are refusing to fill my NEW prescription for my insulin needles. My current ones only hold 30 units and I am up to 55 units before bed. Which requires me to use 2 needles just for that one dose. I have to use 4 needles in the morning! So, my doctor called me in a larger syringe, so I'm not running through needles like a heroin addict.

Oops. Apparently, that's code for actually being a heroin addict. Awesome.

My Life, In Song (Thanks Laci!)

2011-09-29T20:51:00.002-04:00

Barney Can Be Your Friend Too!

2011-09-27T07:54:00.001-04:00

116 Units

2011-09-26T15:39:00.002-04:00

That's how many units of insulin I am up to today. The number will probably go up on Wednesday too. :( NPH=Long Acting R=Rapid Acting

Breakfast NPH: 32 units
Breakfast R: 24 units
Lunch R: 10 units
Dinner R: 18 units
Bedtime NPH: 32 units

I've started to believe it will never be under control

I don't know who I love more...

2011-09-25T15:54:00.003-04:00

My husband or my jeweler! OK, so my husband would totally win out, but Byrnes Jewelers is a close second.

Bowser and I have been married for 2 years tomorrow. I love that man to distraction, most of the time. ;) For the moment, I have forgotten all the times I could have strangled him. Because today he gave me my super secret anniversary present that we swore we wouldn't exchange this year. It was totally unexpected. But even more unexpected was how Byrnes Jewelers played along! Going so far as to do a mock survey, just to find out what I would really like. (They already knew of my love of amethyst)

Byrnes Jewelers is a husband and wife team, and I met the wife through Babycenter a few years ago. We bonded over our mutual love of all things Whovian. That would be Doctor Who, not Whoville. Doctor Who in Whoville would be really cool though... My first piece of jewelry from them was an Apsen leaf, that had been dipped in silver. I get compliments every time I wear it! I think I spammed my husband the link so he would get the hint that I wanted it.

Today, I wound up with a beautiful custom piece that Coleen took great care in making for me. My photos can not do justice to how beautiful they are in person.

Put A Tea Cozy On It

2011-09-20T08:43:00.002-04:00

Do you read The Bloggess? My mommy board friends turned me onto her and her Giant Metal Chicken hijinks. She's awesome. Apparently she wrote a blog about circumcisions that I missed, but someone linked it to the board. I fell in love with her oh so true words:

Some people will say that they want their son’s penis circumcised (or uncircumcised) because otherwise "they’ll look weird" depending on whatever the parents are used to themselves. Newsflash: They all look weird. Because they're penises. And there's no amount of trimming, bedazzling, and tea-cozying that will change that.

Some people worry that their friends will judge their decision when they see them changing their kid’s diaper, and to that I'd say, "You probably shouldn't be friends with people who are checking out your baby’s penis.

Go ahead and admit it, who's thinking of a bedazzled penis now?

I have a new true love

2011-09-17T09:32:00.003-04:00

Move over Bowser, it's all about Oikos. I love it so much, I might just change Yoshi's name! Oh, wait... That's another discussion.

So, I'm on insulin now. Knew that was coming. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm sick and tired of sticking myself with needles.

How Time Flies

2011-09-09T10:45:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's the 9th of September already. It doesn't feel like that long ago that Bowser (DH's new nickname) and I decided to start trying for #3! Honestly, it doesn't feel that long ago that Emmy was born. Or as she wants to be called now, Princess Daisy. (Let's see if I can remember that one?). She's going to be 6 in 31 days. :(

2011-09-04T20:36:00.003-04:00

This was a blog on Scarymommy.com It's also a post that every mom needs to read!!!
http://www.scarymommy.com/wake-the-fuck-up/

09 · 04 · 2011

Wake the Fuck Up

Of course you have heard of the book, Go the Fuck to Sleep. I would like to suggest a follow up, inspired by my husband…

———————————

The dishes are washed, everything tidy in its place
The leftovers boxed up, my dear, and the counters wiped away
I’ve asked you six times, don’t make me say it again
Please, for the love of God
Just empty the fucking trash can.

———————————

You work hard and need your rest
I do know that and care
But you slept all night and napped three times
You’ve more than gotten your share
It’s time to awake and get on with the day
Wake the fuck up already, you hear me OK?

———————————

You’ve been flipping for an hour
But have yet to pick a show
Could you be more annoying?
The answer is no.
Surrender the remote, I’ll ask one last time
or I’m kicking you out, on your fucking behind.

———————————

The day is getting dim
Soon it will be night
I can’t see a thing, my love
You have to know I’m right
I’m not as tall as you so I need your larger height
Would it kill you change that fucking hall light?

———————————

I know you feel sick but I do as well
My nose is stuffy too
and my throat sore as hell
Please stop complaining
It’s just a little cold
So shut up and cope
You’re not that fucking old

———————————

I love you so much
I value what you say
But now I’m trying to sleep
And you’re keeping me awake
For the last time, my sweet,
I just don’t give a crap.
Enough already, really
Just shut your fucking pie trap.

———————————

I’m laying in bed, desperately needing my rest
You’ve been sleeping for hours
Happily passed out on your chest,
How are you so loud, I really don’t know
But if you don’t fucking stop snoring,
You’re gonna have to go.

———————————

Is this too much to ask,
from the man I adore?
I really don’t get why I’m so easy to ignore.
Start listening to me, that’s all there is to it.
Oh, and the dog needs a walk
Just fucking do it.

Dear Sam

2011-08-22T23:25:00.001-04:00

I could have used this with my 2nd pregnancy

2011-08-22T15:15:00.001-04:00

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.

6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World

Yoshi is a...

2011-08-21T15:09:00.000-04:00

POP! Goes the weasel

2011-08-06T22:55:00.002-04:00

17 weeks and 6 days

August 3, 2011

2011-08-04T12:56:00.003-04:00

I had my meeting with the dietitian. 2.5 hours my ass. Almost 4 hours! I got a pretty little hot pink monitor and a fun packet of foods that are safe to eat. I think I might have screwed up last night. I am supposed to eat 3 small meals, and 3 snacks. So breakfast, test 2 hours later, snack, lunch, test 2 hours later, snack, dinner, test 2 hours later, snack, and then bed. I was ready to crash well before I took my last blood sugar level.

At the meeting, they had us all test our blood sugar, so they knew we got it. I had eaten 3 bites of a strawberry banana yogurt before running out the door. 3 hours later, my level was 150. It's supposed to be below 120.

For my late night snack, I was supposed to eat 30 carbs. I stupidly didn't mix it with any protein, which probably lead to my high fasting level this morning (165 after 9.5 hours of no food). Won't do that again. RIP vanilla ice cream.

Here is a log of my meals yesterday. Starting with lunch, since that's the point I had to start with.

Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich on 2 slices of whole wheat bread (30g), 6 strawberries (15g), and a celery stalk with peanut butter (no counting) Blood sugar level: 179

Snack: One half whole wheat english muffin (15g) with mayo and a fried egg. One cup of 2% milk (15g)

Dinner: 3 cups of milk (45g), roast beef, and garlic mushrooms (no count)I meant to cut up some fresh carrots and forgot. Bad me. 2 hour blood sugar level was the lowest of the day. 179 (yes, they are fake plates. We had some left over from a thing the other day, I decided to use them last night)

Bedtime snack: Idiot me thought ice cream was OK. Or just hoped it would be. Less than 1 cup.

Bittersweet

2011-07-29T22:41:00.002-04:00

While I'm glad to finally know why I am still so sick all the time, it doesn't actually make the sickness any better. I'm sitting in bed right now trying not to have to "re-taste" the salad I knew I shouldn't have eaten earlier.

I'm also craving some McDonalds fries.

Amazing how you can feel like dog dung, but still crave french fries.

I'm Scared :(

2011-07-28T11:11:00.002-04:00

I kept having sugar in my urine so they had me take my glucose test early. At 16w 3d. I chalked it up to my current love of Captain Crunch. Pregnancy cravings are weird like that. On the day of the test (yesterday), I ate an egg sandwich, and the test strip showed no sugar in my urine!

Sadly, that didn't mean jack. They just called me a bit ago, and an hour after the drink, my sugar level was 285. High enough that they aren't even going to do the 3 hour. Just straight to the specialist for a machine and the nutritionist to learn a safe diet to manage it.

I didn't expect this. Though, after looking through the symptoms, all that I thought were normal, it makes more sense. I'm constantly sick after I eat. I'm tired all the time. I can barely make it to the bathroom when I have to pee. Apparently, all signs.

YOU are a hoarder

2011-07-19T08:55:00.002-04:00

My husband loves the show Hoarders. He and Liz will watch it all day long if there is a marathon, and it can be upsetting, because neither of them sees it. Neither of them sees they are doing the same.

I'm trying hard with Liz, but she likes to save EVERYTHING. And I have to work with her to show her value vs. quantity. My husband? He doesn't understand why I want all these boxes gone! I'm of a firm belief that if you haven't opened the box in the 4 years that we've been here, YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP IT! He can't even tell me what's in 2 of the 4 boxes sitting in our bedroom (one is filled with too small shirts from his favorite sports teams. The other are speakers he wants to put in his car)

In our closet he has two HUGE boxes of playboys he's collected over the years. They just sit there, taped up, as they were before we even moved in together. Let's not get started on his childhood toys and lava lamps he keeps pushing the girls to want (Lava lamps hit the bottom of the Goodwill box last night.... Shhhh!)

Having moved around so much in my childhood, I would get rid of items I didn't need anymore. I didn't hang on to anything but my books. So maybe I don't get it. But what I also don't get is the fact that we are too big for this house, due to inability to throw things away.

First Step To The New Baby Room?

2011-07-11T17:36:00.003-04:00

Fix the girls room! Currently the baby room is their playroom. They are doing their yearly toy sort right now and putting them into those plastic drawers. The ones with 5 large drawers? Those are going in their closet and the shoes in their closet will be going into one of those shoe caddys that hang on the back of the door.

BUT... To do all that, I have to fix the location of Emilys bed. And if I'm going to do that... I might as well repaint! DH and I are at a standstill on which paint to buy. Personally, I love Behr paint, but I haven't looked at the colors. I did find Rocker Girl Purple with Valspar. But he feels that Glidden is just as good and cheaper. So... Here's my choices:

Valspars Rocker Girl Purple

vs.

Gliddens Soft Violet

Which ever we wind up choosing, we are going to add that glitter paint additive. Make it shimmer. Liz's side of the room is going to have hot pink and zebra print. Emily is going to be fairies and butterflies. I think I can blend it with the glittery paint.

AND... Convinced him to go with the Valspar to get a true rocker girl purple.

A Jerk With No Compassion

2011-07-09T11:44:00.002-04:00

There was a story about a 700lb woman who was having her 4 year old daughter feed her so she could reach her goal of being in the record book as the fattest woman or something.

I had a problem with this. Yes, I am fat. I don't think I should be made fun of for it. It's something fat people deal with every day. We generally hate ourselves enough that we don't need others to hate us to. Food is also an addiction for some of us. It's not an excuse though. Addictions are never an excuse. Why do I have a problem with this? Because she is using her daughter to help kill herself. This woman already has a slew of problems associated with her "goal" in life, and she's steadily killing herself by making sure she eats 15,000 calories a day. 15,000 calories a day which her daughter "helps" her prepare and feeds to her. I say "helps" because at 700lbs your body can't support your weight, and there isn't much you can really do. Her daughter also helps her shop, which she says is over the internet.

What I don't hear from this woman is who is taking care of this 4 year old child? It's not her. It physically can't be. I remember my children at 4, hell, I know my daughter at almost 6. She still needs help with things. Food and baths for example. I'm compassionate to the CHILD, not to the mother who is putting her own personal goal above her daughter. And that people defend her scares me. Scares me for what we are becoming.

I have no sympathy for someone who can ruin their childs life with their own selfishness. Been there with my own mother. Maybe I'm projecting too much. But that's out of understanding. Out of empathy.

The Lone Shopping Cart

2011-07-09T09:30:00.002-04:00

The other day, DH and I had to stop by Walmart to pick up a few things. It was a dark and stormy night... Minus the storms. Walmart is a very popular late night hangout of course, so we were cruising the aisles looking for the perfect space. As we turned onto a new aisle, the husband had to swerve to avoid a runaway shopping cart that was barreling down the aisle on a night with hardly any wind. I jumped out to grab the cart, but didn't get it before it slammed into another persons car, causing quite a scratch and dent.

Of course, who cares that you didn't put your cart back, right?

11 weeks and 3 days

2011-06-26T14:33:00.000-04:00

Heartbeat: 158

Week From Hell... And then....

2011-06-22T16:50:00.002-04:00

OMG. There is a rule that if something can go wrong, it will. This week, that has been my life. First, my ex completely screws me over, and legally, there's nothing I can do but take him back to court. Or traumatize my daughter even further. Take your pic. All I can do is (im)patiently wait until Sunday when my princess comes home. I'm not even going to mention the cheerleading drama he felt like creating.

Yesterday we had Liz's bridging ceremony for Girl Scouts. It was so much fun and she has a ton of new batches to sew to her now defunct Brownies vest. (wah!) I even got an award since I'm a totally awesomely helpful parent. (I think I got them all fooled!). Then we come home. And notice that Liz's bike is GONE. The brand new bike from Christmas. The one she refused to get on until last Wednesday and learned to ride. Stolen. By some freaking asshat who steals kids bikes and destroys any faith in humanity they have left. Filed a police report, but what else can I do? We've driven neighborhoods, but nothing. It's gone. And it's also no longer being sold. Which really sucks because it was the perfect blend of girl but not girly.

Today we had the ultrasound. 3rd one since I started bleeding. The subchorionic hematoma is GONE! GONE GONE GONE!!! No more bed rest, no more pelvic rest!!!!!!!!! And Yoshi is growing right on schedule. He was jumping around and throwing his fist in the air. Matt started to cry.

My Wish For My Children? May They Always Stay Sensitive

2011-06-18T12:48:00.002-04:00

I'm Sensitive
I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way

Am Super Secret Pregnant Ninja

2011-06-08T16:53:00.001-04:00

Jilted Lovers and Billboards

2011-06-07T20:42:00.003-04:00

Here's a lovely story. Man and woman meet. Let's assume man and woman fall in love. Sadly, man and woman break up. Woman turns up pregnant. Man takes out billboard 12 months later saying she aborted their baby.

Sadly, the man is a total fucking jackass who lied. This womans friends came to her defense and said she had a MISCARRIAGE. A miscarriage is not an abortion, and now she has to face this sign daily. Also, this douche comes out and admits he doesn't know what happened, so this whole thing is nothing but an attempt to humiliate his ex.

And was backed by a pro-life group. Oh, what's that? The pro-life group that bankrolled his sign? They've now said they want nothing more to do with him after learning about how his relationship went down. When the pro-life groups backs away from your abortion rant, you know you didn't something pretty damn bad.

Mr. Douche also has a Twitter account. And account where he makes comments such as "What do you call a woman with two black eyes?" and "Wish I would have run you down with a car before you walked out on me". Sounds like a real winner there.

So to recap, an abusive jackass took out a billboard to harass and demean his ex girlfriend. And WOMEN are supporting him in his choice.

Dear Doctor;

2011-06-06T10:11:00.002-04:00

I was hoping that the following might explain why I can no longer be on bed rest. I'm not trying to brag, but apparently, without me, my house falls to hell. So bad, that today I had to get up and do something about it. In case you do not believe me, I took the following photos to show you what happens when my husband is left in charge. I don't think the pan or the kitchen floor will ever be salvaged. (Time for a new floor perhaps? I hate this one anyhow)

So please Doctor, understand that I can't live like this! I only wish that I would have taken pictures of the counters and the dishes before I scrubbed the hell out of them to clean whatever it was that was all over them.

Twilight Didn't Start It You Know

2011-06-03T14:40:00.002-04:00

On one of my mommy boards, someone posted that they wanted books to read, but nothing Harry Potterish. (Sacrilege, I know) Of course, this meant that all dragons, vampires, fae, elementals, superheros, were-animals, and aliens were out too. (I recommended the Heather Wells series. Nothing but mystery and comedy in those)

While writing it out, I realized that most people call the books I read the adult Twilight genre. Which irritates the crap out of me. Sure I like Twilight. It's a glimpse into the "what if" of loosing your true love. That's why New Moon was so strong to so many people. And why we clamored for the rest of the series. Because we once wished we were everything to that first taste of love. (of course, what if you boyfriend was a vamp and wanted to kill you too)

HOWEVER, these books were out long before Stephanie Meyers dreamt of a meadow filled with flowers. I've been reading books about these supernatural creatures since I was a child. Starting with the childrens masters of horror, R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike. (not to be confused with the adult master of horror. I know) As I got older, there were tons of authors that came before Meyers, that were much better than her stories (again, I love them. Sue me), but one thing becomes a craze and you're all lumped with them. It's enough to make me shy away from the series.

First Cake In Over A Year...

2011-05-29T15:45:00.002-04:00

It's been a while since the great cake disaster of 2010, the incident that made me switch to cookies. That made me swear I hated all cakes. But then, two friends came calling, asking for MY help. And I decided to put my hatred of all things cake aside and to pick up my pastry bag and try again! I am woman, hear me DECORATE!

Apparently, someone forgot to tell my pastry bag that it's not polite to lose your load with a massive explosion half way through the first cake. It took all my willpower not to throw in the towel right then. Only the thought of two little girls without birthday cakes kept me going. Oh, and the fear of being a banned girl scout. ;)

So, I did what I could to fix and kept going. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be there to see the other moms face, but I hear she loved it. I hope so.

I Like To Buck The System

2011-05-27T15:22:00.002-04:00

Prom Night Wisdom From Foster Father: "If a guy buys you steak or lobster, he expects you to put out"

What I Did: Ordered steak AND lobster. Went home still a virgin.

Like I said, I like to buck the system.

Introducing Baby Yoshi!

2011-05-24T11:09:00.001-04:00

Holy Crap!

2011-05-21T18:39:00.000-04:00

Heaven has Wi-Fi!

I've Reached My Boredom Peak

2011-05-21T12:15:00.001-04:00

Please enjoy any and all Lols I post.

All Hail Butter?

2011-05-21T09:32:00.000-04:00

I'm Really Scared

2011-05-20T20:05:00.002-04:00

I have a follow up ultrasound on Monday. 9:30am. I am terrified they won't see a baby again. I keep reading all this stuff that says you should see the fetal pole at 6 weeks. I was measuring 6weeks, 2days. They said everything looked normal, except for the lack of the baby. I've been trying to put off thinking about it all week, but I can't say it hasn't been affecting me. I keep trying to prepare myself for the worst, and in that, all I think of is the worst.

Move Over Kate, William is MINE!

2011-05-17T05:34:00.002-04:00

Or at least according to my dreams he is. Honestly, I don't understand half my dreams, and this one definitely went from weird to nightmare pretty fast.

OK, so apparently, William and I met before he married Kate. The entire world thought he was marrying her, but it was really me, someone the world hadn't seen before? (huh?) Oh, along with my kids too of course (No reason why my husband hasn't tried to object to this or anything) So, William and I get married in a super secret ceremony in America, and the next night is a ball in his honor. So, I need to get ready.

Strangely, no one thought to find someone to do my hair and nails, or even find me a dress. Which sent me scouring the stores (JCPenney, Belk, Walmart? Seriously, ballgowns at Walmart?) I even missed my daughters recital (what recital would Liz have?) because they were shellacking my nails and having me try on dresses. If anything, I fell in love with my hair.

That quickly turned into us driving across a lake in normal clothes. We were going over a bridge, and I noticed a plane had crashed in the lake, and the people were being rescued. Right after that, there was a billboard for the plane company. I need to point out that at this point, William looked like my husband.

All of the sudden we are in the lake. My husband (now played by Joel McHale of Community and The Soup) has a vision, where he sees a boat running into and killing these girls. He looks out, and there is the girl and the boat. He yells for her to get out of the way, so she starts swimming, but apparently the person driving the boat hears him too, and he's an evil Abe Lincoln. He heads the boat to mow the group of girls down.

The girls run to Joel McHale for help, and he asks what's wrong with them, and then watches them drown. Evil Abe Lincoln gets down from his boat, and walks up to Joel McHale, only to touch his tongue to Joel McHales nose and lips.

Then I woke up, and I'm not going back to sleep just yet. Gee. Wonder why?

Things That Terrify A Pregnant Mother

2011-05-16T13:17:00.001-04:00

The phrase "threatened miscarriage"
The diagnosis of "Subchorionic Hematoma"
The Ultrasound showing a great 6 week, 2 day sack, but no pole.

Things that terrify a father:

Being told your wife is on pelvic and light bed rest.

Watcha Doin?

2011-05-11T07:29:00.002-04:00

Eatin' chocolate.

Where'd you get it?

Doggy dropped it.

My daughters latest and greatest joke. And I have a habit of saying "Hey Liz, whatcha doing?" all the damn time. So once it starts... It's the joke that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends. Some idiot started asking, not knowing what came next...

I changed my appointment to June 1. Forever away, I KNOW! But when I scheduled it for May 25th, I had forgotten that it's the day after Emi's preschool graduation, and her last chance to hit this really cool animal farm that has giraffes you can pet and all that. So, I couldn't deny her that. She's so excited. So is Matt for that matter!

I'm bloated and crampy. I feel like you do right before you start your period, but as if my period should have shown up 6 weeks ago. I think we block out the bad parts of having a baby, don't we?

Baby Yoshi is craving some strange stuff. I ate two spoonfuls of peanut butter. HUGE spoonfuls. When my husband jokingly said "at least you didn't mix it with pickles", my eyes lit up. Now I want peanut butter pickles. The usual strawberry milkshakes with mcdonalds fries is always a hit with any future belly bump. And the bastards at McDonalds had to go and change their milkshakes. Thank God they still taste good.

Today we are stopping by Panera so I can get a broccoli soup bread bowl. I don't like broccoli soup. In fact, I hate broccoli. But what the baby decides sounds like heaven, mommy eats.

Already demanding stuff. Baby Yoshi is going to fit right in.

Happy Mothers Day

2011-05-08T11:54:00.001-04:00

*From Post Secret

Want To Hear Me?

2011-05-07T15:32:00.004-04:00

THIS IS ME!!!!

I am reading an excerpt from a Katie Macallister book, when Liz walks in to laugh at me.

Father Of Mine

2011-05-06T16:29:00.002-04:00

I didn't see my father at all between the ages of 12-16. And then I saw him a total of twice, not to see him again until I was 18. When I was 12, he signed his rights over to the state.

We've had a rocky relationship since I was 18. I guess that's to be expected, but what he's doing now is just the icing on the cake. Lying to others about me? Telling me and everyone this pregnancy, that we planned, is a bad thing?

Goodbye. I'll no longer ask where you have been, father of mine.

Sniff Sniff :(

2011-05-03T19:32:00.002-04:00

5 and a half years ago:

I Bet You Didn't Know...

2011-05-03T10:33:00.000-04:00

That I'm pregnant. ;) Had my confirmation appointment yesterday. First prenatal is May 25th. So far, yet so close.

Yoshi

2011-05-01T08:32:00.005-04:00

My husband is opposed to Peachlette. Apparently, it's not gender neutral enough. Silly man. To appease him though, we've gone with the supposedly gender neutral Yoshi? He has issues.

We'll get there.

I Think I Have A Problem

2011-04-30T09:06:00.002-04:00

I've been testing daily, as you know, even after I got my BFP. I like watching the line get darker. Makes the cramping worth it. (Seriously Peachlette, you are a mass of cells right now, how can you cause so much pain?)

So, here is 13DPO with Answer:

I took the 3 Answer test and did a quick progression. Wonder if it will show up, since I made it long?

Thank You Lisa!

2011-04-29T09:45:00.001-04:00

She coined the name I will be calling my baby peach until we find out the sex. Peachlette.

12 DPO

2011-04-29T05:05:00.002-04:00

Matt says it's not nice to freak him out by saying I'm having twins because the line is already so dark. But I think it's funny, causing him to go all deer in headlights. I'm a mean mean wife.

12DPO Answer Test

Hey honey, maybe it's triplets?

So... I'm Going Out On A Limb Here And All....

2011-04-28T19:14:00.002-04:00

What Do YOU Think?

2011-04-27T07:32:00.002-04:00

10DPO on a FRER I bought at Target with coupons. Even if the little teenager was a bitch about my correcting her on the coupon policy.

3 Minutes:

10 Minutes:

9 DPO and 4:30am

2011-04-26T05:13:00.002-04:00

It's officially 5:14 as I started writing this, but it was 4:30 when I woke up and had to pee so bad that falling back asleep wasn't going to happen.

So I peed on a stick.

Or more accurately, I peed in a cup, used a little plastic thing to suck up the pee, and then dropped four drops on the stick. Fascinating stuff, isn't it? It might be promising. Who knows. I was worried last night when I realized that I had some very light spotting. Literally, it was the color of a PINK crayon. And I only found it because I was checking cervical fluid (Again, fascinating stuff)

I'm Not A Patient Person

2011-04-22T05:43:00.003-04:00

So this whole waiting to test thing is for the birds man! 5 days is too early, I know. But that still doesn't stop the urge. Now, onto my Applebees rant!

We met my MIL at Applebees last night. She got there after us, and ordered her drink. It took 10 minutes for us to get it, which should have been a clue. 10 minutes, while the waitress was filling other drinks for other tables. OK. Fine. Sure. But then we ordered. And waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after seeing a table that came in at the same time we did get their appetizers, my MIL was willing to ask. Waitress said they had gotten slammed and said she would check on it.

Then that same table got their meals. Then the table that came in well after us got their appetizers.

At that point, I said I was done. It had been over an hour, and we still didn't have an appetizer. Matt and I got up to talk to the manager. The waitress sees us standing there and says "Oh", walks back to the kitchen and grabs a tray. We see her walk to our table, but then the manager comes out and we explain why we are leaving. She offers to pack our food up for us. The food that isn't even ready. We declined. She said she was sorry, and that's it. Great management skills there.

We got get my oldest daughter and MIL, and MIL tells us that the waitress just threw the tray of appetizer on the table (just one of the two ordered), and when my MIL told her we were leaving, she huffed and walked away.

Ow My Feet

2011-04-21T11:32:00.002-04:00

My feet, my hands, my sanity. It all hurts. In the past few days I have made 100 cookies. Matt helped me ice the butterflies last night. I got such a late start, that I didn't have time to let one icing dry before applying the next, so the purple bled a bit. The preschool kids didn't mind! All they saw were cookies!!!

So, my temps have been raised for 3 days now, and I've been cramping too, which confuses the hell out of me. I'm learning more about my body though, which is actually pretty cool! No matter what, I'm enjoying that part. Here is my fertility chart, because if you are like me, you are nosy as hell.

Now I'm on the waiting game. Willing those temps to stay up. Cross your fingers for me.

Lions, and Tigers, and Easter Eggs, OH MY!

2011-04-17T17:21:00.002-04:00

We went to an Easter egg hunt at a big cat rescue today. They were so beautiful! I fell in love with the tiger. She was beautiful.

I'm SURGING!

2011-04-16T13:21:00.002-04:00

My LH levels are so high that the test line is darker than the control. So I'm going to ovulate! With the cramps I am having, I'm assuming that ovulation is late today. Yay for the Ovulation Predictor Tests!

I'm Not Even Pregnant Yet...

2011-04-15T13:00:00.001-04:00

And so far have bought a baby sling, a bottle warmer, and a boppy. In my defense, all the items were super cheap through consignment and Marshalls. In total, I've only spent $35 for all of it.

WTH?

2011-04-14T04:19:00.003-04:00

BBT charting may not be for me. Remember me being upset because the temp fell? Well that bastard just raised an entire degree. *headdesk* If that truly did happen, and let's say I didn't ovulate until, what, yesterday or the day before? I'm screwed this month because we haven't had sex in 3 days. Wonderful.

Took another test this morning. Nothing. So the test yesterday had to of been a fluke.

The Tweakers Think I'm Pregnant...

2011-04-13T14:23:00.000-04:00

No, seriously, go here and look. What do you think?

Dear Charlie Sheen

2011-04-12T18:56:00.002-04:00

I get it. I am not one of your Goddesses. But does that give you the right to push me down 3 flights of stairs and then to come at me with a small knife?

Wondering what the hell I'm talking about, don't you? Crazy dream last night that ended with the above sentence. How we got there? Well it started at Applebees. A group of friends and I went out to eat. It was a party for me for something. The bill was $138. My sister was going to pay, but they said they couldn't take credit cards right now. Luckily, I had that amount on me. (who carries that much cash?) At the same time, they gave me a new X-box. Somewhere in the dream, there was an X-box vs. PS3 debate, but I couldn't place it right now. Applebees also gave me a hot new Zombie game that all adult men were dying to get their hands on. So, I left to take it to Matt. Apparently, they wanted me to pay for it, but I took off anyhow. (Dude, I spent $138 on crap food. Suck it!)

Dream then switched to an antique clothing store. I'm not sure what the hell was going on that led to that. But that's the scene that led to me being in Charlie Sheens' house. Trying to talk to him about something (probably PS3 vs X-box?)

Couldn't Stop Myself

2011-04-12T06:24:00.002-04:00

I took another test today. I'm such a flipping idiot. I had a drastic temp drop, so it's very doubtful that ANYTHING was going to happen. When I say drastic, well, HERE YOU GO. You can see it there. I really thought I was pregnant so easily. A small hold out of hope that it still happens. I'm not scheduled for my period for another week, so raise our glasses in hope, OK?

Private Things Are....

2011-04-11T18:43:00.002-04:00

I have this blog set up to upload directly to Facebook. And I think it's time I break that. For now. While I don't mind people reading my personal thoughts, I am in the middle of a journey that's easier to share only with those that are as anonymous as me. And my internet friends who love me. I don't want to be so open, and I would like a place to talk about my TTC journey. May it be short.

Oh God....

2011-04-07T07:59:00.001-04:00

I'm 29 and 1 day.

*headdesk*

Starring....ME

2011-04-03T21:27:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday To Me. 3 Days And Counting

2011-04-03T16:39:00.002-04:00

Today begins my birthday week. (April 6) Passing our local Cook-Out, I noticed the most awesome thing. The milkshake of the week? Peach.

That's right. I rock.

Well, At Least They Understand Sarcasm

2011-04-02T11:26:00.003-04:00

Me: "Wow! It's really nice of you guys to offer to help me clean up!"

Lizzie: "Gosh mom, we are just trying to relax!" (Types away on moshi monsters)

Emilina: "Yeah mommmy, we are relaxing!" (Taps away on Leapster)

I Think My Child's Gone Crazy

2011-03-29T16:17:00.002-04:00

Lizzie has girl scouts tonight and I had her take a shower early so it gets out of the way. She's been walking around talking to us (Matt is at work), and generally just being herself. She came in here to tell me about a shelter they had to make last week at Girl Scouts, and I finally asked her "Are you ever going to get dressed, or do you just like being naked?"

Lizzie then looked down at herself, screamed and said "OMG I DIDN'T REALIZE! EMI DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

*facepalm*

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! Oh.... Nevermind. It's just another BOW!

2011-03-28T12:47:00.001-04:00

This bow is purple. I don't know why my camera hates me.

An Ode To Summer

2011-03-28T07:16:00.002-04:00

Last week, summer was here. Temps in the high 80's, me dreaming of swimming pools, my air conditioner struggling to maintain a livable temp. This week has started off in direct competition to beat last week, by bringing in the cold again. I think some wires got crossed somewhere. In an ode to summer, I made Alice a "summer time bento". Of course, when she sees it, she's going to be angry and hate me for life, because it's babyish to have her sandwiches cut into shapes. Sigh... Someone save me from my own children. Please?

I Feel So Accomplished!!!

2011-03-27T15:38:00.002-04:00

What is it about a craft project (no matter how bad it looks...) that makes you feel like the most creative person in the world?

I bought tons of fabric to do more. This is just my first attempt. I have a darker turquoise, deep purple, champagne, light green... Hopefully they come out good. So far, Alice loves this one.

I MADE A BOW...

Oh Where Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone

2011-03-25T15:44:00.001-04:00

Do any of you have a dog that follows you EVERYWHERE? I'm constantly stepping on her too. I'm all "Ziva! Stop getting under my feet" and she looks up at me with her puppy dog eyes that say "But MOOOOOOM! I lubs you and want to go everywhere you do!" I could literally walk in circles and this dog would follow me, with a smile on her face and her tail wagging. (As I'm writing this, she's in her dog bed beside me, cleaning her nether regions.)

I swear to God, that as much as I step on her due to all of this, Thumbelina is going to come home and wonder where Ziva is. Alice is going to point to me and say "Fatass over there killed her with her big feet".

Here is how a joke goes in our house*

2011-03-24T16:51:00.001-04:00

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Oran....Banana!"

"Orange Banana Who?"

"NO MOMMY! you're supposed to say Banana who! You're ruining my joke!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Banana who?"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock Knock"

"Is this ever going to end?"

*sigh* "Just say who's there mommy!"

"OK, for the LAST TIME, Who is there?"

"orange"

"Orange who?!"

"Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? Hahahahahahaha! Wasn't that funny mommy!!!!"

Rinse and repeat. Over and over and over and over....

*Shared with my mommy board, and realized it was an awesome glimpse into my fabulous life.

I Need Some Recognition

2011-03-22T06:41:00.002-04:00

You don't get that as a mom though. You have to say "hey, pat me on the back! Look, see? See what I did? Totally awesome right?!" Then the person looks at you like you are a crazy person, saying "sure, sure. Yeah, that's totally great" while slowly backing away, fear in their eyes.

So, I come here. So strangers and friends alike can look and go "this woman has too much time on her hands. Wait, is that a cupcake?!"

That would be baby carrots, green grapes, strawberries, mango, PB&J on wheat, and the cupcakes I made last night. Chocolate and cream cheese. Homemade cupcakes. The reason dinner was 2 hours late. I needed chocolate to stay sane.

How Does A Parent Respond?

2011-03-20T16:07:00.002-04:00

Matt and I were talking about sin, and something I read about the believe surrounding Mary being born without sin as well, leading to an immaculate conception. (We like to debate)

Alice looked up and said "What would be a sin?" Thumbelina, while walking down the hallway responds "It's like bad stuff like you." Not a hint of malice, just her honest opinion.

Happy St. Patricks Day!!!

2011-03-17T07:38:00.002-04:00

Are you wearing green? Damn it. I really wanted to pinch someone. My kids have gotten smart and now wear green to bed on the 16th. My husband too. *sigh*... They take away all my fun! So, here is Alice's St. Patty's Day Lunch!

Leprechauns cut from my tiny gingerbread man cutters:

Gold Coins under the rainbow(bread). Cut with the corer of my apple cutter. This was actually Alice's request:

And the finale. PB&J on rainbow bread, green grapes, green apples, cucumber leprechauns, gold cheese coins, and key lime yogurt:

Totally Far Out Man!

2011-03-16T20:00:00.002-04:00

And after DH had a slice. You can tell the pattern is going to change with each slice!

Tomorrow is St. Patty's day and Alice is going to have an all green lunch, along with this bread. It was supposed to look like a rainbow, but came out a bit more tie dyed. I don't think she'll mind.

I'm Forever Safe From Freddy Krueger

2011-03-15T12:17:00.002-04:00

Have Kids?

Never sleep again.

It's that simple.

*sigh* Alice got sick Saturday morning. Or was it Friday morning? Hell, all I know is that by Saturday night she was throwing up. She was complaining to me on Friday morning before school that her stomach hurt. I chalked it up to gas and gave her some medicine. She went to school and was fine. Even went to sleepover at a friends house that night. Though, she came home before 9 the next morning complaining she was in pain again. However, one dose of pepto, and she was back to herself again. We even went shopping. Then it all went to hell in a handbasket about the time we were supposed to meet my father for dinner.

By Sunday afternoon, she was back to normal again. Even begged her dad to take her to the store with him. (Which meant I had to go too, just in case. Damn it)

Now Thumbelina is sick. And I'm so exhausted that I can barely function.

This Is The Reason Mommy Has Stuffed Animals

2011-03-08T20:20:00.002-05:00

I'm almost 30 (395 days) and I love stuffed animals. I keep it in check though. I currently only have 3. Brownie Bear (small stuffed brown bear), Magic (small stuffed husky), and Princessa (1.5ft pink princess bear) I love my animals and the kids know I have a strict hands off policy for them. Which makes them objects of desire of course.

So what do I do with these stuffed animals? Well, they are mine of course, which means when my child is really upset about something, they offer some really great comfort. Because it's something very special to me that I am allowing them to sleep with and snuggle. Like tonight, when poor Thumbelina has lost her new Furreal kitten. She's bawling, but snuggling Princessa keeps her mind off of it for at least tonight. Until I can get to the library tomorrow.

Uh... Exactly What Are You Going To Do With That Chicken?

2011-03-04T21:35:00.002-05:00

.83lbs

.83lbs a month comes to a total of 10lbs a year. See my pretty 10lb bag of chicken? (I buy them at Food Lion for $0.57 a pound when on sale. 17 leg quarters. Not bad. Normally I split them up into 3 bags, but Matt froze this one before I could get to it... Anyone in the mood for a cookout?)

So, that bag of chicken equals what I lost. At first, I was laughing at myself that it's all I accomplished, but people kept pointing out that it's better than gaining it. Then one friend told me to go to the market and hold 5lbs of Hamburger in each hand, and realize that's what is gone.

So, 10lbs may not be a huge accomplishment. By no means is it the most wonderful thing in the world, but it's something to smile about. Until the next 10lbs disappears. When you've been doing nothing but gaining for the past 4 years, you take the little things in life.

No, This Is Not The Photo

2011-03-03T12:50:00.002-05:00

I promise. It's coming soon. If I can remember to have Matt take it after Alice and I get home from her hair appointment tonight. This post is about something else.

When I was in high school, I dated this boy. He was my first, well, everything. Until I fell in love with my husband, I don't think I have ever loved any male as much as I loved him. (Yes Matt, I love you more. No doubt there sweetie) This boy used to tell me a quote that he lived by. One that coincidentally (or not) has permeated its way into my life. From that moment, I saw it everywhere.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If not, it never was.

I didn't get it until I was older however. Why would I let something go if I loved it? Why not hold on to it? How could something I loved have never been mine in the first place?

I'm almost 29 now (34 days), and it makes complete sense to me. To bad I couldn't see it then. The thing is, if you love someone, you want what's best for them. Even if that's not you. As much as that might hurt. So you are willing to open yourself up to the pain, just for that person to be happy. If that's not love, what is?

The hope is that this person realizes that you love them enough to allow that. Allow isn't really the right word. That you will open yourself to that might be better. And by realizing that you are willing to hurt for them to be happy, they will realize you are where they want to be.

Life doesn't always work that way, as we teenage angst driven girls found out. We often wound up with broken hearts. But at 28 years old, I realize that we needed that. To learn. To grow. To find true love.

I hope that boy is happy. And I wish him the best. I thank him for introducing me to that quote. To love. Because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't know love to give my husband, I wouldn't understand how much love my husband has for me. (now, just don't expect Matt to give teenage boy any thanks...)

Coming Soon

2011-03-03T12:35:00.002-05:00

A picture of me holding a 10lb bag of chicken. I might even include an explanation.

Would You Like Some Creamy Breast milk?

2011-02-27T13:16:00.003-05:00

Over on the mommy board, someone posted that a London restaurant is selling breast milk ice cream, and it's being called "Baby Gaga". That was shocking enough, I guess. I'm sure that there is a creepy market for people wanting to taste a womans milk. But I can tolerate insanity, to an extent. The fact that this resturuant SOLD OUT of the creepy breast milk ice cream? That's the point my brain shuts down. I can't grasp that concept. Or the fact that people paid $20 for the "treat".

http://news.discovery.com/human/breast-milk-ice-cream-110225.html#mkcpgn=fbnws1

Apparently, the ice cream contains the breast milk of 15 different women. It's free range. A comment from the board sums that one up...

"I love the part where the guy says it's "free range", lol. It's like they have a free range breast milk farm where topless, lactating women are running around playing in the fields"

Dear Daughter,

2011-02-23T07:20:00.002-05:00

Your life is about to get very miserable. I took your radio. Your DS. Your MP3 player. That cell phone your nana wanted to buy you? Not a chance in hell. You want to scream and pitch fits? You want to cry and yell about how life is horrible and you have the most miserable life on earth? Well, sweetheart, just wait. That scooter you just think I won't get rid of? Sorry chica, I told you that if I saw you one more time without a helmet, that it was gone. Bye Bye scooter. No, I'm sure Santa understands why. That mall campout that you have been looking forward to? Not going. You also need to pay me back for it.

You think your life was awful before?

You ain't seen nothing yet.

I Thought I Should Share

2011-02-22T13:02:00.001-05:00

Are you sick of highly paid teachers?

Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or10 months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - babysit!

We can get that for less than minimum wage.

That's right. Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and plan-- that equals 6 1/2 hours).

Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day.

However, remember they only work 180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any vacations.

LET'S SEE....

That's $585 X 180= $105,300

per year. (Hold on! My calculator needs new batteries).

What about those special

education teachers and the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an

hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year.

Wait a minute -- there's

something wrong here! There sure is!

The average teacher's salary

(nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days

= $277.77/per day/30

students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids!) WHAT A DEAL!!!!

2011-02-21T19:23:00.001-05:00

Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity, nothing exceeds the criticisms made of the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed. - Herman Melville

I heard this at the end of the Criminal Minds episode Legacy. Too bad I didn't hear it during another welfare debate.

Poo On Hardees

2011-02-20T12:30:00.002-05:00

I have been a loyal Hardee's patron for years. But now? I will never step foot through their horrible, no good, very bad restaurant ever again. As of Wednesday (February 20, 2011), Hardee's has banned their curly fries. At least according to the ones near us.

A quick glance at their website (Hardee's and Carl's Jr), shows they are no longer listed in the side items section. Though, Carl's Jr does have a fry called the criss cross fry that looks like a waffle fry, but seasoned like a curly fry. Not really sure if Carl's ever had curly fries.

When I was pregnant, I became very upset when I realized that they had done away with their yummy chili burger, but I still had my childhood favorite, The Frisco. Plus, my favorite, curly fries!!!!

Last Friday, after spending the evening selling 106 boxes of Girl Scout cookies to the patrons of Bi-Lo's (thanks to Bi-Lo for letting us set up there), we headed to Hardees for some curly fries. Not once did they mention the evil, horrible, no good, very bad thing that was coming.

So POO ON YOU Hardee's. And poo on you again for deleting my comment on your FB page asking why. Great customer service. Assholes.

Sisterly Love

2011-02-15T19:32:00.002-05:00

Alice is very concerned with school appearance right now. Everything has to be the "right" thing. In the car, she was complaining yet again, and Matt decided to let her know that school is not a fashion contest, it's a place to go and learn. (sound familiar?) He told her that people who care more about fashion that learning wind up flipping burgers.

A little while later, Thumbelina commented that she missed our old GPS that was stolen last year and asked who took it. With a funny bit of snark, I responded that it was probably someone who cared more about fashion that learning. Without missing a beat Thumbelina responded "Alice, YOU stoled the GPS???!!!???"

National Return Your Shopping Cart Month

2011-02-11T09:49:00.003-05:00

One of the moms just pointed out that this is a very special month. No, not Black History Month, but National Return Your Shopping Cart Month. I would like to think that Babycenter probably got this started.

If you have ever hung out on Babycenter, you probably started on a birth board. Most of us did. There, you have the predictable arguments. No one wins in those. No matter what you do, you are a horrible mom that has fucked your child up for life. If you co-slept, didn't circ, breastfed, and didn't let your child touch anything but mommy for the first 5 years or if you let them cry it out, stripped the foreskin with pliers, formula fed, and turned on Barney for entertainment? Either way you fail as a mom and should have never had kids.

Let's not even discuss pacifiers. How dare you give/not give one to your child. Congratulations. That pacifier/lack of pacifier has now turned your daughter into a whore.

After a while, you get bored with your birth board. You realize that these arguments are dumb and that you hate every single person on the board, even though you've never actually met. Then something amazing happens. Someone steps off the board and finds ANOTHER board. And that board is special. They talk about REAL stuff. So you head on offer. So long Birth Board Crazies! (So now you know what BBC stands for... Yeah, no you don't)

You realize that these mamas argue over real stuff. And some of them even seem to really like each other. You want to be part of the group, but you don't know how to join in. What can you post that will make people like you immediately?

Nothing. Someone is always going to think you are a cunt. Even if you only post Hi. My name is Jill. You are inevitably going to get someone who hates the name Jill and thinks hi is annoying. Why didn't you say hello? Why hi? And Jill is a horrible name. Your parents must have hated you! Suddenly, you realize that while it seemed fun, this place is scary. But you can't look away. You have entered the REAL Babycenter. The part that has nothing to do with babies, and everything to do with... God, who knows what.

You soon realize that there is a strange cycle to the arguments of BBC. It's the same stuff. It never really changes. And when people get bored of debating immigration, food stamps, your childs name, and big ass bows? They move on to your ability to return your shopping cart. And this is the scariest argument you will ever see. No one leaves the thread unscathed or normal. At this point, you're a goner.

As for me, I don't care that your name is Jill, if you use pliers, co-sleep, breastfeed in public... I do care if you don't return your cart. Like I said, no one leaves those threads normal. I'm living proof.

Now go return your cart you pacifier sucking whore. Bitches Be Crazy.

I Love This Song

2011-02-09T11:32:00.000-05:00

Around The World, Sushi Chefs Begin To Cry

2011-02-03T20:27:00.002-05:00

Alice loves sushi (takes after her daddy). You know, the non raw fish rolls that you get at some restaurants that are called sushi? She hates cream cheese and crab meat, so that doesn't leave much of a choice. I've found the seaweed, green pepper, and carrot mixture is her preferred sushi of choice.

Wait, did I just name 3 veggies? You mean I can get my child to eat raw veggies? OK, OK. She eats carrots. And loves cooked veggies. But when all her friends at school are eating cupcake snacks, chips, and soft drinks, my child sometimes feels left out. Apparently her BFF told her today that the homemade bread I make is "nasty". Sorry kids, it's not WONDER BREAD!

So, being ME, I decided to start making Alice sushi to take to school. I've driven my husband insane in my search for all the stuff I need. After searching EVERYWHERE in our town, I found the nori, sushi rice, and rice vinegar at the Walmart near Concord Mills. Yes, WALMART. Though, why only at that one location, I'll never know. Can we get some at the one near me? Please? I bought my sushi rolling mat and paddle for $3 at World Market in University.

Why are sushi chefs around the world crying? Because the only thing "sushi" in my "sushi" rolls are the nori and the sushi rice. My ingredients? Sharp cheddar, fresh cut deli ham, and sliced carrots. And she'll still dip it in soy sauce. My husband at the ends dipped in soy. He says it's good, the rice had a great flavor. So, score one for me! No matter how sloppy they look!!!

The Aftermath:

The Little Princess

2011-01-31T17:00:00.001-05:00

Tardis, Transport Me To the 80's!

2011-01-31T08:32:00.003-05:00

Are you old enough to remember these? LA Gear was the coolest shoe of the 80's. Kids and adults all screamed for the latest pair, and the one above was one of the coveted pairs everyone needed to own. (Next on the list: switching one converse with a friend.) We all rocked the MJ's.

I remember the first pair I begged for. We were talking on my mommy board today, and I remembered my beloved pair of black and pink LA Gears. I begged and begged and begged. Even wrote in my school journal that my dad WAS going to buy them for me. I just knew it. Imagine his shock and surprise at reading that. I wrote it 2 months before he bought them. Because I just KNEW.

Told you I made things happen with my mind. I will win a billion dollars. I will win a billion dollars...

ETA: Apparently my awesome physic powers failed me and I left the I out of the word Tardis. It was not meant to say tards, but tardis, which is what The Doctor time travels in.

Everyday Minerals, I think we have to break up.

2011-01-28T09:42:00.002-05:00

It's going to be hard though. I don't know if I can live without you. I'm just so upset and hurt. I can't believe you discontinued one of my favorite colors. Jasmine Tea was so beautiful. Made my eyes sparkle so pretty. And you took her away. Why? Can you tell me that? No? No single answer? I've looked everywhere, and all I can get is "not found".

I hate you. But I still love you.

I.... Yeah. Totally Magical.

2011-01-27T11:37:00.003-05:00

My throat hurts. I caught strep by thinking about it. Well I did! Nothing you say will prove otherwise. I'm magical and can think things into existence. *Will win a million dollars. Will win a million dollars*

Our neighbors daughter came down with Strep on Monday. On Tuesday Alice came home and said her teacher had strep. Today, I woke up with a raging sore throat.

Coincidence? I think not.

Don't be jealous that I'm magical and you are not. Oh, stop trying to be all reasonable and say I caught the germs Alice brought home, either from her friend or teacher. I'm not falling for that. I am a magical being.

Now, *I will win a BILLION dollars. I will win a BILLION dollars...*

I'm A Makeup Whore

2011-01-20T21:23:00.004-05:00

We have a thread on one of my mommy boards all about makeup. This has led to us mommies spending our entire monthly accounts on cosmetics we don't NEED, but know make us look totally drop dead. We've all become total makeup whores. Until recently, I've always done my makeup when I go out, but now, I'm using every reason to peacock myself up. DH calls the board my "sewing circle"

This is me (God I should have remembered to put on my lipstick first!!!):

This is me in green and gold:

This is me in purples with NYC Pink Champagne:

And finally, my most recent Revlon Shimmering Sienna (75% off at CVS):

So run out, buy yourself some makeup, just so we don't feel like the only makeup crazies out there. ;)