All right, I need a pill to stop dreams

This has gone far enough, and I am sick and tired of it. These dreams are so damned vivid. Luckily, I know that it's due to watching a video of a friends infant, seeing another friends ultrasound photos (which, D, congrats!), and seeing another mother get a surprise positive pee stick.

So, I just need to stay away from babies, pregnant women, and pregnancy tests. That should be easy!

This dream had me at a dinner party with Matts family and my father and his family. Also, Natalie and Rosalie where there as well. Don't ask what the part was for! It started off with us talking about a pregnancy test that not only told you if you were pregnant, but the gender as well. (Of course, this was pink for girl and blue for boy. One line)

For some reason, I happened to have a cup of pee sitting in my car, so I went out, and used a dollar store test. Of course, being my dream, IT'S A 2 LINER! So, I go back in, and everyone is wondering where I have been, but the only person I am looking for is Matt.

And then I wake up, and slowly remember, I am NOT pregnant.

Barney Stinson loves ME!

For those that can not get through to the number that Barney Stinson showed during the Superbowl last night, here is his message.

2010 SuperBowl Highlights

First off, WTF Budweiser? Where the hell is my damn donkey?

Commercials to Mention:

• Dog Shock Collar-Doritos
• Keep Your Hands Off My Mama!-Doritos
• Gibbs Slap replaces the Handshake-NCIS
• Playing Like Betty White-Snickers
• Mr. Burns loses everything-Coke
• Human Bridge-Budweiser
• Oprah, Letterman, and Leno- Late Show
• Brett Farve 2020 MVP-Hyundai
• Office Bitch gets dead box flowers- Teleflora
• OMG, Barney did WHAT?-How I Met Your Mother (Call 1-877-987-6401. Seriously. Call it)
• Google for Life-Google Commercial (you have to see this to understand how awesome it truly is)
• Bull and Clydesdale BFF's-Budweiser

The New Volkswagen Punch Commercial gets a special mention for not only bringing up the old “punch bug” game (which Matt and I still play), but for being totally unremarkable in every way, until Stevie Wonder punches Tracy Morgan and says “red one” leaving Tracy Morgan to wonder how he does it.

CBS Care about Women-Sorry, but the commercial left me wanting to know more, but irritated that it didn't explain. “Ladies, your heart attack symptoms are different than ours. We cared enough to tell you that. If you want to know HOW, Google it bitch”

Clothing Optional Commercials- Dockers, Career Builder

BARGAIN OF THE DAY: Tuesday is FREE Grand Slam Day at Denny's. From 6am-2pm

Justin and Janet, I just want to say Thank You. I hope you heard the fact that this was dripping with Sarcasm. Since your “stunt” half time shows have been full of people that I know, but could honestly care less to see. And I hear that next year, it's going to be The Eagles? Really? All we are getting now are people and bands who were popular when my parents were young?

Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees, and the flowers and the trees

Today Alice and I finally discussed sex. I promised not to go into the mechanics, as she wasn't ready for it, but she was curious about periods, which means I have to explain babies as well. Thumbelina was in the playroom, not the least bit worried, and Matt took off to the bedroom, not wanting to hear a damn thing.

I also happen to have a huge dry erase board mounted on my kitchen wall. I had it put there when I was wedding planning, and I use it as a family calender now. Today, it became a bit more.

I explained to Alice about the ovaries and how the egg releases and told her that if a man and woman don't have sex (She covered her ears and reminded me I promised. To which I said that was it, no more S-E-X mention), that the egg dies.

This of course, led to, how does that itty bitty thing become a baby? I asked is she was sure she wanted to know, because it involved THAT? She decided she could handle it. So, I drew more diagrams, and explained about testicles and the mans penis, about X and Y chromosomes, and how Women only had X, and that every X was a girl, and that men had both X and Y, and that's why they get to "choose" the sex of the baby.

She especially enjoyed the part where I explained that while the Y sperm (boy) can swim faster, that the X sperm (girl) lasted longer. Here is my final diagram.

(these are not hairy balls. Those dots are sperm)

Did I mention that I am NOT an artist? Did I also mention that I was cooking eggs while doing this demonstration?

Can it stop please?

Another positive pregnancy test dream. This is starting to get old. (and I am starting to not want to wake up)

I have to say though, that my mind invents some complicated ass pregnancy tests. Where it shows the result for a microsecond and then you have to push 50 buttons on the "digital" device to find out what those results mean.

Even in my dreams things are overly complicated.

Stuck in my head

When I first bought Natalie Imbruglia's CD years ago and heard this song, it stuck with me. I was just a kid, in foster care no less, and the words tore at my soul. Even now, it calls to that little girl that I was. Lost, alone, abandoned, scared. Unable to cry anymore at what my life was. 15 year olds shouldn't feel things that deeply. But I did. And for a moment, I felt that someone understood.



Music is important. I think people forget that. Please don't.

Free Ice Skating in my Cul-de-Sac

Matt told me that we needed supplies before the indians came to raid and because pissed off that there is nothing to take. I reminded him that he was talking about his wife. He looked at me sideways and said "I know".

I begged him not to go out, but you know how men are, anything is a challenge. Up north this would be a normal every day winter? Do they get as much ice up there? Or is it more powder?

Our Cul-de-Sac:


Matt digging out his Accord:


All of this for some velveeta and salsa. WHAT? It's my snowy comfort food. Shut up. I told him no, but he is going into soda withdrawals, so nothing would have kept him in the house. Apparently, filtered water just isn't the same.

And two more shots, of Ziva, and what's left of Alice:

Apparently, she melted: