Sunday, August 29, 2010

Alice Gets Her First Phone Call

It was so cute. The phone had been left off the charger, so it died mid ring and we had to wait for it to go to the the machine. Her friend was adorable. "Hey this is Alice's friend *****. She gave me her number to call her and I wanted to call her and see how she was doing and if she was doing anything and if she wanted to talk. She can call me back at 555-555-555. Oh 5555."

If you ever need proof that your 8 year old is still a baby, listen to their sweet little voices on a voicemail. Alice asked me "Mommy, why are you grinning like that?"

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I Had A Dream!

Last night, I had some really crazy confusing dreams. In one dream, two of mine and Mr. Peaches friends were at dinner with us, and J propositioned the waitress for sex. He passed her a $20.00, and she passed it back, saying it would only be $5.00. A chipped in. Then the little turds turned to my husband and asked him if he wanted to get in on it. What the fuck? I was sitting right there. Did I mention we were in the mountains for some unknown reason? Apparently we took my couches up there, because the next morning, I told my husband we were throwing the couches out, since J, A, and their waitress were all on my couch. Oh, and my dream husband also shot down the idea of joining in. I have no reason on earth to have a dream so "spectacular". Maybe I can blame it on my Eminem listening before bed. Two trailer park girls run round the outside, round the outside...

My second half of the dream still took place in the mountains, but I learned that I was adopted. I woke up before I found out all of the details, but it turns out my sister was adopted too. I can't begin to tell you the relief that I felt finding out this information. Alas, all good dreams must come to an end!

Friday, August 27, 2010

All The Boys Love a Girl With Black Bracelets

Today at school, Alice learned a very important lesson. Not from the teacher, but another 3rd grade girl. Those black jelly bracelets that Alice wears to school each day? The ones that Thumbelina bought her for her birthday? Well, they are sex bracelets! And don't you know, if a boy breaks one, you have to have sex with him.

Are you shocked? Or have you fallen off your chair laughing? When she first told me, all I felt was white hot anger at the fact a 3rd grader would even have information like that to share. Alice quickly asked where she had heard that, and the girl told her "on the internet"

Am I like the only person that monitors their childs internet usage?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. That's alright, 'cause I love the way it hurts

I admit, most people would probably think I should hate this song. Even if Eminem is rapping on it. What person from an abusive (former) would like a song that chronicles the cycle of abuse right? Let's be honest, I'm not really a Rihanna fan either.

The truth here is, the song is true. It's how it works. There is a cycle of abuse that you could almost call a "high". That part after he hits you, where he starts lying and swearing he's sorry and it will never happen again. The part where he treats you like a queen. Even though, deep in the back of your mind, you know that the pain is coming again. Eventually, the pain is there more than the high.

That is why I like this song. It highlights that. It doesn't put a pretty face on it. It states the truth, in rhyming format. We have numerous songs that are about ending the cycle of abuse, but none that let you know that someone understands how you feel while still in it. I'm lucky to be free of it, but many are not. And that's who this song is for. Even if one person gets it, it may wind up saving there life. It wouldn't be the first time song lyrics saved a persons life. They've saved mine before.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Why Yes Bella, My Daughter Is Making Out With Your Daughters Boyfriend

Today was Alices birthday lunch at Great Wall. Her actual birthday is tomorrow. She was born at 3:33pm. (Thumbelina showed up 3 years and 2 months later at 4:23am). I still remember that day. I'll shut up now and just share the photos!

Oh, and finally, the part that might piss Bella off, just a bit....

Friday, August 20, 2010

Along Time Ago, We Used To Be Friends

I've become addicted to Veronica Mars lately. I know, years too late to actually save it, but I wish I could bring it back! It's really as good as I heard. The opening song has a great hook, and I wanted to share it. Considering the past month, it seemed fitting.

A long time ago, we used to be friends
But I haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again a greeting I send to you,
Short and sweet to the soul I intend.

A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh

Come on now, honey,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when you're good to go
Come on now, sugar,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when.

It's something I said, or someone I know.
Or you called me up, maybe I wasn't home.
Now everybody needs some time,
And everybody knows
The rest of it's fine
And everybody knows that.

Come on now, sugar,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when you're good to go
Come on now, honey,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when.

We used to be friends.A long time ago
We used to be friends.A long time ago
We used to be friends.A long time ago
We used to be friends, hey hey.

A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh

A long time ago, we used to be friends
But I haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again, a greeting I send to you,
Short and sweet is all I intend.

We used to be friends.A long time ago
We used to be friends.A long time ago
We used to be friends.A long time ago
We used to be friends,
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Why? *Death of Two Children :'(

Yesterday I came across an article about the drowning of two children. 18 months and 2 years. "Irish twins" they would have been called. These two little boys were strapped in their carseats and the car went into a lake as the mother ran down the road for help. According to the article yesterday, it was 45 minutes before she got help, and she was instantly considered the main suspect. Shades of Susan Smith were all over this case, especially since it was also in South Carolina.

Today, the mother has been charged with murder of her two baby sons. Apparently, she smothered them first, and then strapped them in, thinking this overplayed sicko story would work for her. This woman is only a year older than me. I can not imagine killing either one of my beautiful daughters, not even on their worst days. It makes me sick when a child is harmed. It makes me even more so when they are harmed by the hands of someone who is supposed to love them. Someone they trust.

What Doesn't Kill You, Leaves You Screaming In Pain

Saturday, August 14, 2010

If You Can't Stand The Heat, You're Probably About To Get Murdered

I LOVE Cake Wrecks. I check it almost everyday. Almost. Which is why I missed seeing this awesomeness yesterday.

Narcissistic Mother and Me

I came across a site today, after reading a post on the Dealing With The Inlaws board on Babycenter. I don't have problems with my inlaws, mine are with my mother (No! Really? You've never mentioned that before!). I like to read, because it helps me, just reading the advice for others. This one happened to be about Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. A well seasoned DWILs poster advised the thread starter to google her own thread title and she would come across numerous links. I decided to do the same and came across this link. The more I looked around, I felt that growing feeling in the pit of my stomach and realized that this sounded all too familiar. There wasn't a single trait on the narcissism trait list that didn't sound like my mother. There are 44 in total, but I am pasting the ones that hit home the hardest for me.

8. She's clever. It's all subtle. She picks her moments so that there are no witnesses (or no witnesses not also under her dominion, e.g. an enabling father). This makes it very, very hard to explain to others, and adds to the crazy-making head-wreckingness of it all.

9. She talks herself up as being a great mother. "I was so worried about you," she'll tell you, but you get a hollow feeling that it wasn't true. These things are easy to say after all, and require no action or effort.

10. She divides the family to conquer it. Her children might be golden children or scapegoats. Neither of these is a good position to be in. (Note: not all Narcissistic Mothers do this - mine didn't.)

11. She's envious of all of your good things, from successes to material things. She'll try to spoil your pleasure in these things to bring you down to earth.

22. Her situation is always worse than yours. Even if you're very ill, her trauma of being the loving mother of an ill daughter is worse than yours of being the ill person.

38. She interferes in your relationships. She doesn't want anybody else to be happy without her, because happiness without her presence means she's - gasp! - not the centre of the universe. So she might stir it, sly underminings of your husband maybe, "He's not a very good provider, is he?" A classic is to keep you and your siblings at logger-heads. That way she retains control. She will talk about each of you to the others. She's like a spider at the centre of a web, manipulating you all. This is called triangulation.

43. She might be overtly and inappropriately sexual - flirting with boyfriends you bring home, for example. Thank Heavens my own mother never did that, but I've heard from enough other Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers about their mothers doing that.

One of the biggest things my mother loved to do was pit my sister and I against each other. It was constant, and she loved when we were angry at each other. She encouraged it even. I later learned that she would do things, tell me that my sister did it, just to cause more problems between us. My sister and I were 3 years apart, it wasn't needed, we fought enough on our own! Even now, I don't believe our relationship has fully healed from it all.

The sad thing is, I realize that some of my mothers sisters are like this as well. Not all of them, but two of them. The ones my sister and I lived with while in foster care, actually. I don't know their children, but I know during our stays with them (my sisters was years with one of them), we were the scapegoat children. The ones put down and treated like second class citizens. No different than when I was home.

I often wonder how I would feel if my mother were to die now. I've actually put a lot of thought into that today. I realized I would probably skip the funeral. It wouldn't be worth it to me to deal with her family. I will be sad. I know that. I'll be sad for the loss of the life we could have had.

Friday, August 13, 2010

101 in 1001

I read about this today, after seeing it mentioned. Apparently, you write a list of 101 things that you have or want to do, and give yourself 1,001 days to do it. It can be anything from a hard item, such as laying new hardwood floors, to something easy, like baking a pie perfectly. It sounds great and I would really love to do it! There's only one problem...

I'm a slacker. I would actually be 101 before I finished 101 projects. There is so much I need to do, that I know it would lend a slight motivation, but that would really only last a few weeks for me, before I started taking "breaks" from it.

If you want to check out the premise, I found a blog called The Day Zero Project. I can pretty much bet you'll do better at it than me!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

This Is A Very Weighty Issue

Alice is still having issues with her feet turning in. When she was 3, an idiot podiatrist told us that it would correct itself due to peer pressure. Oh, and told us, in front of her, that they would have to break her legs and reset them if they didn't. She'll be 8 on August 23rd, and she never forgot that comment. Neither did I, which might be why I took so long to broach the subject again. Today we had an appointment with her PCP to get a referral to another orthopedic surgeon who really wants to look at her. My MIL works for the local childrens hospital and mentioned the issue, so this doctor became interested and wants to help.

Our PCP did the referral for it, and is also making a referral for the mole on Alices' neck. She named the type of mole it was, but I can't remember, which is good, since I am sure I would be googling the crap out of it. Considering that 8 out of 10 times, google says it's cancer, add in the fact that it's a mole... Well, I would be a nervous wreck. I already know that a mole that grows isn't good, and this one has grown a lot. Scary for a mom to think about. As a matter of fact, I don't want to think about it.

So, on to the point of this blog post. I didn't write about all of this to make you worried. For me, I know that will all be fine. What is this extremely weighty issue? For the first time since she was 1, Alice is in the normal weight range for her age. To most people, that would be nothing, but for us, it's something to cry tears of joy over. Even our PCP was raving about it for a good 2-3 minutes, she was so happy. I think for the first time, Alice saw that I am not the mean evil mom that doesn't allow her to eat junk food and drink punch drinks like her friends, but she finally saw me as the mom who allows her to have things in moderation because I love her.

Of course, 10 minutes later that all went out the window when she through a fit in the middle of the bakery over the spelling on her 8th birthday cake. Apparently, she no longer likes our inside joke of the cake saying "Happy Birthday ___________" (her middle name, broken into two words.) Anyone have a brick wall I can borrow? I need to bang my head for a few hours.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

We are finally getting back on our feet, and baby fever is over

I want to thank everyone who was there for us during the past year when things were so stressful. My MIL, Rose, Bree, Steph, Nancy, Juli, (am positive I am forgetting some names! Sorry!)... That doesn't include the people who were praying for us and hoping things would turn around. I don't think you guys will ever know how much it meant to have people to lean on, those that would listen, and those that cared. We are finally starting to breathe again, and it's wonderful (BTW Steph, I want to order some more bows!!!!)

Last night, I told Matt that I no longer want to have another child. After two years of wanting one, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm busy with the two I have. While in theory, having another one sounds wonderful, the reality is something totally different. No sleep, tons of money on diapers, new clothes, wipes, the added stress of making sure each child is getting what they need... And that's just to start. The whole idea makes me break out into a cold sweat of fear. It's just not something I am ready for. Matt didn't say much, just told me to go to sleep (did I mention I said it while falling asleep?). I know he dreams of a boy, but it's not a guarantee.

Of course, this is when I wind up pregnant while on Loestrin FE, right?

Right Before The Blinds Came Crashing Down

Then they ran off into the playroom and I suddenly heard a crash. Alice comes running back into the living room screaming "The blinds fell down!" I simply ask Alice how they fell and she responds "Well, I barely touched them to move them out of the way...." Insert my long suffering sigh. This is only the THIRD pair she's personally destroyed. It's why we refuse to buy the nice expensive wooden ones for their playroom and bedroom right now. What our neighbors must think of us with the pretty white blinds missing it's simple planks. I guess it won't be a problem in the playroom anymore. Since they are on the freaking floor.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Wedding Redux

While looking for the charger for our video camera, I came across my purple "wicker" bag (fake wicker) in which I carried all of my wedding papers in. I was giggling my head off going through it. Especially the part where I wrote in angry red "WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO TO THE JUSTICE OF THE PEACE????!!?!?!?!" Matt and I reminisced over it all, laughing, and remembering how happy we were.

Oh, why were we looking for the video camera charger? We wanted to finally upload our wedding video. Yeah, we're slackers.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

You Don't Get Out Alive

That's what my MIL said tonight. A 46 year old friend of hers was diagnosed with cancer recently, and it had her thinking about her own mortality tonight. As soon as she said that, my heart caught in my throat as I realized how true she was. I've heard that phrase before, but until tonight, it never hit home with me. I don't want to lose my family. Whenever I hear christians speak of Heaven, they say that trivial things don't matter, and I'm fine with that, but I once heard a sermon that "put the fear of God in me". Literally. I became scared of death, of Heaven. The pastor said that we even no longer cared about our earthly ties, such as our families. I don't want that. I want to be with my daughters and my husband for eternity. That's the only length of time that is acceptable to me.

I remember at 17, watching a movie with my boyfriend Jason, his sister, and some other guy was there (her boyfriend maybe?) It was "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. I loved the movie so much, that I later read the book, and that reached me on such a deep level, that it's the only way I can imagine live with your soul mate. It's about love, death, hope, and reincarnation. About a love that transcends death, so much that one would be willing to go to the depths of hell to rescue the one they love.

While we may not all get out alive, I hope that we stay alive through whatever else is out there. That it doesn't just fade to black. That would be unbearable.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Internet Code Names

Matt has decided that he wants his own special internet name like the girls. OK... How about Mr. Peaches? That's what the girls on my old board called him and I loved it. Apparently, this isn't manly enough for him. Mr. Sexy Peaches? No? Too much peach? Really? Sigh... If I can't come up with something manly, he's getting called Mr. Peaches, and damn it, he's liking it!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Duke Energy Holds The Key To Hell

I have come to realize that hell on earth resides in your local power company. Well, the small buildings where you pay your bills are just the devils minions. The main branches are the portals to Abaddon themselves. There is no other place as evil as the power company. I summarized this after looking at our most recent power bill.

Our July bill was $142.45. Not nearly as high as our winter bill (apparently Hell froze over), but still abnormally high for us. You say it's due to the awful high temps and I would fully agree with you if it wasn't for our August bill. $138.30. $4.15 less than the previous month. I know, I know. It's still burning hot out there, what can I expect? Well, after the changes I made and the indoor suffering I endured, I expect a hell of a lot more than $4.15! I set our thermostat on 78 during the day. 78 hot, humid degrees. This was up from the 72-73 I usually kept it at, and it saved me a mere $4.15? I hate the power company.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

All Aboard the Alphabet Express! Choo Choo!

A local school district is having a problem. Diversify schools by busing children to schools outside their neighborhoods? Or cut down on the 2-4 hours a child spends on a bus each school day by just allowing them to attend the schools in their own neighborhood? I honestly think the whole thing is stupid as hell. I also think that not one person is actually considering the children involved. Should an elementary age child really spend 2 hours on a bus each morning? That puts them on the bus around 5:30am. What time would that poor child have to get up in the morning? Administrators can't put a finger on why schools are failing? If kids are not sleeping, they are going to suffer during the daytime. Break that time down, please. In my house, I know my girls need a good 10-11 hours of sleep to be at their best, so....

4:45am: Wake up, eat quick breakfast, head out the door to catch the bus

5:30am: Get on bus

7:45am: Finally arrive at school (school starts at 8:10)

2:30pm: Get on bus to head home

4:30pm: Arrive home

5:30pm: Finish Homework

6:00pm: Eat Dinner

6:30pm: Take Shower/Bath

7:00pm: Play for 30 minutes

7:30pm: Bedtime

Now, how is that good for a child? Especially an elementary age child? I guess it's OK in the minds of the ignorant adults running things, as long as the school system is diversified. In my personal opinion, what the school systems, around the country, need to be more concerned with, is making sure that the school system is allotted the same amount of money for each child attending.

*not the actual $ amount needed. This is an EXAMPLE, based on an elementary/middle school education. High school would need to be broken differently.

$5 per child

+$2 per each child in after school tutoring, to cover costs

+$2 per each child in AIG, to cover costs

It would break down to $5 for your "basic" needs, and then $7 for those with extra needs. If it were done like this, I think schools would fare better. Of course, then you would hear people who pay taxes in one district complaining about how they are paying for the "poor school" as well. I personally say they should shove it up their ass. They seem to forget that ALL children are our future. Not just their special snowflakes.

Schools also need to place more awareness on real life application. Not every person is cut out to be a doctor or lawyer. You need someone who is going to work at the bottom. Let's be realistic. It's very possible Johnny Special Snowflake will amount to nothing more than a McDonalds manager, no matter how much money Mr. and Mrs. Special Snowflake throw at the schools. The same on the opposite end of the spectrum as well.

I think I got off topic here with my rants, but the facts remain the same. Every child should be given a chance, the same funding should be applied to EACH AND EVERY CHILD! Their zip code shouldn't cause them to suffer. We also need more real life applications taught in school. How to fill out a tax return and how to write a resume would be great additions to our math and English classes. But then, that would take away from calculus. Which according to the current school model, every child needs to know. If that were true, we would be over run with rocket scientists by now, don't you think?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Fickle Is As Fickle Does

In 8th grade a teacher told us that one day, the internet would be our primary form of communication. That we would wind up sending messaged via computer to the person sitting right next to us instead of talking. losing human interaction. I thought it was a bunch of bull crap until last summer. I found myself sitting right beside my friend Rose, and we were messaging back and forth. Now, we were only doing this for fun, but it hit me afterward, that my teachers prediction had come true. This was the society we now live in. I also realized that I found myself more comfortable with people I met on the internet, than those I met in everyday life.

I had a friend who once told me that you can not make true lasting friendships on the internet. I agreed, comparing those who made friends online to the losers in their basements playing Dungeons and Dragons and World of Warcraft. Little did I know that one day I would be that same "loser" I once trashed. After some recent drama (drama? On the internet? NO! Never!), she asked me again what I thought about friends on the internet and had my views changed yet again. My simple response wasn't as simple as it seems. It's yes and it's no. I do believe you can find friends online. I just don't believe that everyone is your friend. Even those you thought were at one point.

I have people I have met that I love and hope to never lose contact with. That's the beauty of the internet though, losing contact is harder than ever. On the flip side, I have those who I thought were friends, but learned can turn on you faster than the flip of a coin. And I would do anything to just be rid of the pettiness that seems to be a strong part of their own psyche. Something you once found funny becomes annoying once turned on you.

Here's the moral: In it's simplest form, friends on the internet are no different than friends in everyday life. My 8th grade teacher was right. She just missed the part about how human interaction isn't lost just because I am typing instead of speaking. I might be losing tone and inflection, but I am gaining the ability to shut my mouth, to actually think before I speak.

... Most of the time.

A Childs Interview About Mommy

My friend Juju did this with her daughter. I thought some of the answers were so hilarious, that I should quiz my own...

WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child's age in the subject box along with the date.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Alice: Be Quiet!
Thumbelina: I Love You

2. What makes mom happy?
Alice: Hugs
Thumbelina: Doing what she says

3. What makes mom sad?
Alice: When her computer breaks
Thumbelina: Not doing what she says

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Alice: Tickles me
Thumbelina: Saying funny things

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Alice: I don't know
Thumbelina: she gave people flowers

6. How old is your mom?
Alice: 28
Thumbelina: 15 (I love her!)

7. How tall is your mom?
Alice: 5ft (she forgot the almost 4 inches!)
Thumbelina: 26ft

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Alice: play Bejeweled Blitz
Thumbelina: give hugs and kisses at night

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Alice: plays on her laptop
Thumbelina: nothing

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Alice: Cooking (love you daughter of mine)
Thumbelina: kissing

11. What is your mom really good at?
Alice: Making pizza, 'cept for that time she burned it
Thumbelina: giving hugs and kisses

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Alice: She's good at everything (especially brainwashing)
Thumbelina: she broke her charm bracelet cause she's not careful

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Alice: plays on the computer
Thumbelina: she types on the computer

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Alice: Great Wall (chinese)
Thumbelina: spaghetti

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Alice: Not burning Pizza (in my defense, it was a new pan, and I cooked it for the right amount of time, however, this pan has holes and it takes less time)
Thumbelina: Saying funny things

16. If your mom were a character, who would she be?
Alice: A witch
Thumbelina: a princess

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Alice: nothing (besides the easy bake oven, scrapbooking, painting, coloring, watching movies, shopping, swimming....)
Thumbelina: watch TV

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Alice: We both have attitudes
Thumbelina: we both love purple

19. How are you and your mom different?
Alice: She likes boys, and I don't
Thumbelina: I don't clean the kitchen

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Alice: by letting me play with my friends
Thumbelina: hugs and kisses

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Alice: that he listens to whatever she says (since when?)
Thumbelina: He helps her

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Alice: Great Wall (hers too. Going for her birthday)
Thumbelina: CiCi's (uh, I don't think so!)

23. How old was your Mom when you were born?
Alice: 19 or 20?
Thumbelina: 5

School Sucks, Then You Die

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones. ~Don Herold

Alice is scared of the EOG's. Terrified to the point that she's not wanting to start 3rd grade in 22 days. No child should be this scared of some stupid test! It's all because of schools putting such pressure on kids to pass this test, because of the ignorant No Child Left Behind crap. I'm sorry, but the pressure is too much. You know what? Sometimes, you have to leave a child behind, so that the rest do not suffer. That left behind child can be given tutoring, but it's not right to make the majority suffer for the few. Instead, you have half the class sitting bored, not learning anything new, because the school wants to "make the grade". It makes me long for Alices old school who didn't care about NCLB. They moved forward with the majority and tutored the rest after school until they were caught up.

Alice is stressing herself out because the school is making this test the be all to end all, instead of easing a childs fears that the test is nothing more than something long and boring that will be easy. Why not do that? Teach them that it's nothing overly important, that they just need to do their best and not worry about it? Instead, performance anxiety is through the roof in my house, and it's 9 months away! I think I will have to be "that" parent this year and make my views known. I honestly don't give a damn anymore, because I am looking out for the welfare of my child, not the good opinion of the teacher. I have to wonder about a school that has no child under the 4th grade level in AIG, save my own, anyhow. AIG should be fun, instead, the school sticks her in a room to do worksheets. She feels she's not learning anything and has went from a child who once loved school, to one who hates it. One year in this district did that to her.

If I were the teaching type, I would pull her out. Unfortunately, Alice has been screwed 2 ways. A crappy school system and a mother who can't teach. It's not that I don't know the stuff, it's that I don't have the teachers patience that I should. And that hurts her. I hate myself for it too. I wish I could be the mother that she needs when it comes to this. I wish the school system could be the school she needs.

I wish the EOG's would just go away.

Monday, August 2, 2010

What Wouldn't I Give To Be 16 Again

I was cleaning out the photo drawer today (having tackled the closet a few weeks ago) and came across some old photos from high school, just in time for the reunion. Most of the photos were taken the night of our Lion and The Mouse play. You know the story, the lion gets a thorn in his paw, mouse gets it out after lion promises not to eat her, but the lion reneges and the mouse tells the lion stories to keep him from eating her. I was the mouse, my friend Rashad was the lion. It was a long running joke that I kept killing him in all the plays we did together. "It's Marcy's fault Joe died!!!!"

The biggest thing these photos did is remind me to keep taking my iron pills. This is back when I was loosing weight and pale as crap. I didn't feel well, but didn't know what was wrong. The black circles and pale face should have clued someone into the fact I wasn't well, but that's foster care for you.

I am a cute "Mini mouse" mouse

The Lion and The Mouse

A part of our theater class

Theater chicks are badass, damn it!

And here is the grand finale, me in one of my house moms cars, trying to look cool with my sunglasses, discman, and biting my bottom lip (can you say FAIL?)

When Blowjobs Go Bad

Runaway Train, Never Coming Back

Alice has just decided to run away at 8am. I think she's in the bedroom packing her suitcase. I just asked Matt is she was allowed to take anything, he said no, she can only take the clothes on her back. Why is my child running away, you ask? Her birthday. We are not having a huge blowout this year, and she's mad about that, and now learning that she's not going to be spoiled beyond belief with all that she asks for has sent her over the edge. Oh... She just learned she can't take her Pokey puppy...

The real question here is should I feed her before she runs away or not?