You Don't Get Out Alive

That's what my MIL said tonight. A 46 year old friend of hers was diagnosed with cancer recently, and it had her thinking about her own mortality tonight. As soon as she said that, my heart caught in my throat as I realized how true she was. I've heard that phrase before, but until tonight, it never hit home with me. I don't want to lose my family. Whenever I hear christians speak of Heaven, they say that trivial things don't matter, and I'm fine with that, but I once heard a sermon that "put the fear of God in me". Literally. I became scared of death, of Heaven. The pastor said that we even no longer cared about our earthly ties, such as our families. I don't want that. I want to be with my daughters and my husband for eternity. That's the only length of time that is acceptable to me.

I remember at 17, watching a movie with my boyfriend Jason, his sister, and some other guy was there (her boyfriend maybe?) It was "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. I loved the movie so much, that I later read the book, and that reached me on such a deep level, that it's the only way I can imagine live with your soul mate. It's about love, death, hope, and reincarnation. About a love that transcends death, so much that one would be willing to go to the depths of hell to rescue the one they love.

While we may not all get out alive, I hope that we stay alive through whatever else is out there. That it doesn't just fade to black. That would be unbearable.