Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Of course, she doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, but the point is, if it wasn't for my Lizard, my life wouldn't be what it is today.
Monday, December 5, 2011
This year however, there was no way not to talk about it. She was asking again and there was no way around it. She wanted a yes or no answer. So I told her. She smiled at me and said "I promise not to tell Emmy". A few days later, she's still true to her word. In fact, she's going above and beyond to make her sister think that she still believes. Which, if you know my child, is a RARE thing. She's usually going out of her way to make her sister feel dumb. (we are working on that one). Why is she doing this?
"Santa is real mommy. Santa is US!"
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
*It looks like you need a hug.... Around the neck.... With a rope.*
*Instead of killing people with kindness, I think I'm just going to kill them*
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Oops. Apparently, that's code for actually being a heroin addict. Awesome.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Breakfast NPH: 32 units
Breakfast R: 24 units
Lunch R: 10 units
Dinner R: 18 units
Bedtime NPH: 32 units
I've started to believe it will never be under control
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Bowser and I have been married for 2 years tomorrow. I love that man to distraction, most of the time. ;) For the moment, I have forgotten all the times I could have strangled him. Because today he gave me my super secret anniversary present that we swore we wouldn't exchange this year. It was totally unexpected. But even more unexpected was how Byrnes Jewelers played along! Going so far as to do a mock survey, just to find out what I would really like. (They already knew of my love of amethyst)
Byrnes Jewelers is a husband and wife team, and I met the wife through Babycenter a few years ago. We bonded over our mutual love of all things Whovian. That would be Doctor Who, not Whoville. Doctor Who in Whoville would be really cool though... My first piece of jewelry from them was an Apsen leaf, that had been dipped in silver. I get compliments every time I wear it! I think I spammed my husband the link so he would get the hint that I wanted it.
Today, I wound up with a beautiful custom piece that Coleen took great care in making for me. My photos can not do justice to how beautiful they are in person.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Some people will say that they want their son’s penis circumcised (or uncircumcised) because otherwise "they’ll look weird" depending on whatever the parents are used to themselves. Newsflash: They all look weird. Because they're penises. And there's no amount of trimming, bedazzling, and tea-cozying that will change that.
Some people worry that their friends will judge their decision when they see them changing their kid’s diaper, and to that I'd say, "You probably shouldn't be friends with people who are checking out your baby’s penis.
Go ahead and admit it, who's thinking of a bedazzled penis now?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
So, I'm on insulin now. Knew that was coming. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm sick and tired of sticking myself with needles.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
09 · 04 · 2011
Wake the Fuck Up
Of course you have heard of the book, Go the Fuck to Sleep. I would like to suggest a follow up, inspired by my husband…
The dishes are washed, everything tidy in its place
The leftovers boxed up, my dear, and the counters wiped away
I’ve asked you six times, don’t make me say it again
Please, for the love of God
Just empty the fucking trash can.
You work hard and need your rest
I do know that and care
But you slept all night and napped three times
You’ve more than gotten your share
It’s time to awake and get on with the day
Wake the fuck up already, you hear me OK?
You’ve been flipping for an hour
But have yet to pick a show
Could you be more annoying?
The answer is no.
Surrender the remote, I’ll ask one last time
or I’m kicking you out, on your fucking behind.
The day is getting dim
Soon it will be night
I can’t see a thing, my love
You have to know I’m right
I’m not as tall as you so I need your larger height
Would it kill you change that fucking hall light?
I know you feel sick but I do as well
My nose is stuffy too
and my throat sore as hell
Please stop complaining
It’s just a little cold
So shut up and cope
You’re not that fucking old
I love you so much
I value what you say
But now I’m trying to sleep
And you’re keeping me awake
For the last time, my sweet,
I just don’t give a crap.
Enough already, really
Just shut your fucking pie trap.
I’m laying in bed, desperately needing my rest
You’ve been sleeping for hours
Happily passed out on your chest,
How are you so loud, I really don’t know
But if you don’t fucking stop snoring,
You’re gonna have to go.
Is this too much to ask,
from the man I adore?
I really don’t get why I’m so easy to ignore.
Start listening to me, that’s all there is to it.
Oh, and the dog needs a walk
Just fucking do it.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.
1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.
3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…
4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.
6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.
7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.
8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
All the Pregnant Women in the World
Thursday, August 4, 2011
At the meeting, they had us all test our blood sugar, so they knew we got it. I had eaten 3 bites of a strawberry banana yogurt before running out the door. 3 hours later, my level was 150. It's supposed to be below 120.
For my late night snack, I was supposed to eat 30 carbs. I stupidly didn't mix it with any protein, which probably lead to my high fasting level this morning (165 after 9.5 hours of no food). Won't do that again. RIP vanilla ice cream.
Here is a log of my meals yesterday. Starting with lunch, since that's the point I had to start with.
Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich on 2 slices of whole wheat bread (30g), 6 strawberries (15g), and a celery stalk with peanut butter (no counting) Blood sugar level: 179
Snack: One half whole wheat english muffin (15g) with mayo and a fried egg. One cup of 2% milk (15g)
Dinner: 3 cups of milk (45g), roast beef, and garlic mushrooms (no count)I meant to cut up some fresh carrots and forgot. Bad me. 2 hour blood sugar level was the lowest of the day. 179 (yes, they are fake plates. We had some left over from a thing the other day, I decided to use them last night)
Bedtime snack: Idiot me thought ice cream was OK. Or just hoped it would be. Less than 1 cup.
Friday, July 29, 2011
I'm also craving some McDonalds fries.
Amazing how you can feel like dog dung, but still crave french fries.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sadly, that didn't mean jack. They just called me a bit ago, and an hour after the drink, my sugar level was 285. High enough that they aren't even going to do the 3 hour. Just straight to the specialist for a machine and the nutritionist to learn a safe diet to manage it.
I didn't expect this. Though, after looking through the symptoms, all that I thought were normal, it makes more sense. I'm constantly sick after I eat. I'm tired all the time. I can barely make it to the bathroom when I have to pee. Apparently, all signs.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I'm trying hard with Liz, but she likes to save EVERYTHING. And I have to work with her to show her value vs. quantity. My husband? He doesn't understand why I want all these boxes gone! I'm of a firm belief that if you haven't opened the box in the 4 years that we've been here, YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP IT! He can't even tell me what's in 2 of the 4 boxes sitting in our bedroom (one is filled with too small shirts from his favorite sports teams. The other are speakers he wants to put in his car)
In our closet he has two HUGE boxes of playboys he's collected over the years. They just sit there, taped up, as they were before we even moved in together. Let's not get started on his childhood toys and lava lamps he keeps pushing the girls to want (Lava lamps hit the bottom of the Goodwill box last night.... Shhhh!)
Having moved around so much in my childhood, I would get rid of items I didn't need anymore. I didn't hang on to anything but my books. So maybe I don't get it. But what I also don't get is the fact that we are too big for this house, due to inability to throw things away.
Monday, July 11, 2011
BUT... To do all that, I have to fix the location of Emilys bed. And if I'm going to do that... I might as well repaint! DH and I are at a standstill on which paint to buy. Personally, I love Behr paint, but I haven't looked at the colors. I did find Rocker Girl Purple with Valspar. But he feels that Glidden is just as good and cheaper. So... Here's my choices:
Valspars Rocker Girl Purple
Gliddens Soft Violet
Which ever we wind up choosing, we are going to add that glitter paint additive. Make it shimmer. Liz's side of the room is going to have hot pink and zebra print. Emily is going to be fairies and butterflies. I think I can blend it with the glittery paint.
AND... Convinced him to go with the Valspar to get a true rocker girl purple.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I had a problem with this. Yes, I am fat. I don't think I should be made fun of for it. It's something fat people deal with every day. We generally hate ourselves enough that we don't need others to hate us to. Food is also an addiction for some of us. It's not an excuse though. Addictions are never an excuse. Why do I have a problem with this? Because she is using her daughter to help kill herself. This woman already has a slew of problems associated with her "goal" in life, and she's steadily killing herself by making sure she eats 15,000 calories a day. 15,000 calories a day which her daughter "helps" her prepare and feeds to her. I say "helps" because at 700lbs your body can't support your weight, and there isn't much you can really do. Her daughter also helps her shop, which she says is over the internet.
What I don't hear from this woman is who is taking care of this 4 year old child? It's not her. It physically can't be. I remember my children at 4, hell, I know my daughter at almost 6. She still needs help with things. Food and baths for example. I'm compassionate to the CHILD, not to the mother who is putting her own personal goal above her daughter. And that people defend her scares me. Scares me for what we are becoming.
I have no sympathy for someone who can ruin their childs life with their own selfishness. Been there with my own mother. Maybe I'm projecting too much. But that's out of understanding. Out of empathy.
Of course, who cares that you didn't put your cart back, right?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Yesterday we had Liz's bridging ceremony for Girl Scouts. It was so much fun and she has a ton of new batches to sew to her now defunct Brownies vest. (wah!) I even got an award since I'm a totally awesomely helpful parent. (I think I got them all fooled!). Then we come home. And notice that Liz's bike is GONE. The brand new bike from Christmas. The one she refused to get on until last Wednesday and learned to ride. Stolen. By some freaking asshat who steals kids bikes and destroys any faith in humanity they have left. Filed a police report, but what else can I do? We've driven neighborhoods, but nothing. It's gone. And it's also no longer being sold. Which really sucks because it was the perfect blend of girl but not girly.
Today we had the ultrasound. 3rd one since I started bleeding. The subchorionic hematoma is GONE! GONE GONE GONE!!! No more bed rest, no more pelvic rest!!!!!!!!! And Yoshi is growing right on schedule. He was jumping around and throwing his fist in the air. Matt started to cry.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sadly, the man is a total fucking jackass who lied. This womans friends came to her defense and said she had a MISCARRIAGE. A miscarriage is not an abortion, and now she has to face this sign daily. Also, this douche comes out and admits he doesn't know what happened, so this whole thing is nothing but an attempt to humiliate his ex.
And was backed by a pro-life group. Oh, what's that? The pro-life group that bankrolled his sign? They've now said they want nothing more to do with him after learning about how his relationship went down. When the pro-life groups backs away from your abortion rant, you know you didn't something pretty damn bad.
Mr. Douche also has a Twitter account. And account where he makes comments such as "What do you call a woman with two black eyes?" and "Wish I would have run you down with a car before you walked out on me". Sounds like a real winner there.
So to recap, an abusive jackass took out a billboard to harass and demean his ex girlfriend. And WOMEN are supporting him in his choice.
Monday, June 6, 2011
So please Doctor, understand that I can't live like this! I only wish that I would have taken pictures of the counters and the dishes before I scrubbed the hell out of them to clean whatever it was that was all over them.
Friday, June 3, 2011
While writing it out, I realized that most people call the books I read the adult Twilight genre. Which irritates the crap out of me. Sure I like Twilight. It's a glimpse into the "what if" of loosing your true love. That's why New Moon was so strong to so many people. And why we clamored for the rest of the series. Because we once wished we were everything to that first taste of love. (of course, what if you boyfriend was a vamp and wanted to kill you too)
HOWEVER, these books were out long before Stephanie Meyers dreamt of a meadow filled with flowers. I've been reading books about these supernatural creatures since I was a child. Starting with the childrens masters of horror, R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike. (not to be confused with the adult master of horror. I know) As I got older, there were tons of authors that came before Meyers, that were much better than her stories (again, I love them. Sue me), but one thing becomes a craze and you're all lumped with them. It's enough to make me shy away from the series.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Apparently, someone forgot to tell my pastry bag that it's not polite to lose your load with a massive explosion half way through the first cake. It took all my willpower not to throw in the towel right then. Only the thought of two little girls without birthday cakes kept me going. Oh, and the fear of being a banned girl scout. ;)
So, I did what I could to fix and kept going. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be there to see the other moms face, but I hear she loved it. I hope so.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
OK, so apparently, William and I met before he married Kate. The entire world thought he was marrying her, but it was really me, someone the world hadn't seen before? (huh?) Oh, along with my kids too of course (No reason why my husband hasn't tried to object to this or anything) So, William and I get married in a super secret ceremony in America, and the next night is a ball in his honor. So, I need to get ready.
Strangely, no one thought to find someone to do my hair and nails, or even find me a dress. Which sent me scouring the stores (JCPenney, Belk, Walmart? Seriously, ballgowns at Walmart?) I even missed my daughters recital (what recital would Liz have?) because they were shellacking my nails and having me try on dresses. If anything, I fell in love with my hair.
That quickly turned into us driving across a lake in normal clothes. We were going over a bridge, and I noticed a plane had crashed in the lake, and the people were being rescued. Right after that, there was a billboard for the plane company. I need to point out that at this point, William looked like my husband.
All of the sudden we are in the lake. My husband (now played by Joel McHale of Community and The Soup) has a vision, where he sees a boat running into and killing these girls. He looks out, and there is the girl and the boat. He yells for her to get out of the way, so she starts swimming, but apparently the person driving the boat hears him too, and he's an evil Abe Lincoln. He heads the boat to mow the group of girls down.
The girls run to Joel McHale for help, and he asks what's wrong with them, and then watches them drown. Evil Abe Lincoln gets down from his boat, and walks up to Joel McHale, only to touch his tongue to Joel McHales nose and lips.
Then I woke up, and I'm not going back to sleep just yet. Gee. Wonder why?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Where'd you get it?
Doggy dropped it.
My daughters latest and greatest joke. And I have a habit of saying "Hey Liz, whatcha doing?" all the damn time. So once it starts... It's the joke that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends. Some idiot started asking, not knowing what came next...
I changed my appointment to June 1. Forever away, I KNOW! But when I scheduled it for May 25th, I had forgotten that it's the day after Emi's preschool graduation, and her last chance to hit this really cool animal farm that has giraffes you can pet and all that. So, I couldn't deny her that. She's so excited. So is Matt for that matter!
I'm bloated and crampy. I feel like you do right before you start your period, but as if my period should have shown up 6 weeks ago. I think we block out the bad parts of having a baby, don't we?
Baby Yoshi is craving some strange stuff. I ate two spoonfuls of peanut butter. HUGE spoonfuls. When my husband jokingly said "at least you didn't mix it with pickles", my eyes lit up. Now I want peanut butter pickles. The usual strawberry milkshakes with mcdonalds fries is always a hit with any future belly bump. And the bastards at McDonalds had to go and change their milkshakes. Thank God they still taste good.
Today we are stopping by Panera so I can get a broccoli soup bread bowl. I don't like broccoli soup. In fact, I hate broccoli. But what the baby decides sounds like heaven, mommy eats.
Already demanding stuff. Baby Yoshi is going to fit right in.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
We've had a rocky relationship since I was 18. I guess that's to be expected, but what he's doing now is just the icing on the cake. Lying to others about me? Telling me and everyone this pregnancy, that we planned, is a bad thing?
Goodbye. I'll no longer ask where you have been, father of mine.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
So, here is 13DPO with Answer:
I took the 3 Answer test and did a quick progression. Wonder if it will show up, since I made it long?
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
So I peed on a stick.
Or more accurately, I peed in a cup, used a little plastic thing to suck up the pee, and then dropped four drops on the stick. Fascinating stuff, isn't it? It might be promising. Who knows. I was worried last night when I realized that I had some very light spotting. Literally, it was the color of a PINK crayon. And I only found it because I was checking cervical fluid (Again, fascinating stuff)
Friday, April 22, 2011
We met my MIL at Applebees last night. She got there after us, and ordered her drink. It took 10 minutes for us to get it, which should have been a clue. 10 minutes, while the waitress was filling other drinks for other tables. OK. Fine. Sure. But then we ordered. And waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after seeing a table that came in at the same time we did get their appetizers, my MIL was willing to ask. Waitress said they had gotten slammed and said she would check on it.
Then that same table got their meals. Then the table that came in well after us got their appetizers.
At that point, I said I was done. It had been over an hour, and we still didn't have an appetizer. Matt and I got up to talk to the manager. The waitress sees us standing there and says "Oh", walks back to the kitchen and grabs a tray. We see her walk to our table, but then the manager comes out and we explain why we are leaving. She offers to pack our food up for us. The food that isn't even ready. We declined. She said she was sorry, and that's it. Great management skills there.
We got get my oldest daughter and MIL, and MIL tells us that the waitress just threw the tray of appetizer on the table (just one of the two ordered), and when my MIL told her we were leaving, she huffed and walked away.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
So, my temps have been raised for 3 days now, and I've been cramping too, which confuses the hell out of me. I'm learning more about my body though, which is actually pretty cool! No matter what, I'm enjoying that part. Here is my fertility chart, because if you are like me, you are nosy as hell.
Now I'm on the waiting game. Willing those temps to stay up. Cross your fingers for me.