1st: I am so excited about my weeding! I have been waiting for years to meet a man who could love me for ME, and not wish I was somehow different. Matt is that man. We can fight, but at the end of the day, we love each other, and my heart still skips a beat at the sight of him.
1st: I am so excited to spend time with my girls! It sucks that we don't live closer, but I am glad we are going to be there for Natalie. Glad that she has friends that care enough to be there for her. I am also so excited to be having the chance to meet Tracy. She is awesome!
2nd: I am so nervous about my wedding. I keep having fears that I will forget important things, and the wedding will fall apart. Nervous that Matt will somehow realize how insane I am and leave me at the alter! Ok, I know he won't do that, but the it shows you my frame of mind!
2nd: I am so nervous about the trip. What if my train wrecks? What if something happens at home while I am gone? What if the other girls and I don't hit it off face to face? What if I am a total bore?
3rd: I am scared. I want to marry Matt, there is no doubt. But I am scared he is marrying me because he feels like he has to. I have never been good at accepting good things happening to me. I am not used to it, so when they do, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have ruined good things before because of this. I am so lucky that Matt is who he is. A weaker man might have given up by now.
3rd: I am scared. This also goes back to why I am so nervous. What if something does happen while I am gone? What if they don't like me? What if? I freaking hate WHAT IF! It's evil and can screw with your mind so well.
All I can do, is believe in who I am. Of course Matt loves me. I am ME! Of course the girls will love me, I am ME!
I also know that being ME doesn't mean I can't do things on my own. You know what? The only other trip I ever took "on my own" was a class trip to Europe, and as wonderful as it was, I don't consider it an "on my own" trip. This trip will be about me. I am 27 years old, and have always lived with someone, always been a daughter, a girlfriend, and a mom. For a few days, I will still be all three, but I will also be able to spread my wings a little, and fly.
The good thing about that, is that I also know what I will be flying back home to. To Matt, to Chloe, to Emily. There is no greater love than the love I hold for them.
Ok, so enough with the sweet super sappy post. My internet was down for 20 hours today, so as you can tell, I got in a few moments of self reflection.