Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Leavin'... On A Jet Plane...

Living in foster care changes your view on life. Not so much your view on life, but your tendency to need things to constantly change, while you yourself do not. The longest I stayed in one place? 1996-1998. 2 years. I lived out of a black garbage bag and one suitcase from a collection my parents collection bought in the 80's. (Probably cool back then. Brown patterned leather?) Even when I lived with my parents, after we left our house where I lived for 5 years (the first 3 where in another house), I never felt settled. We weren't in Myrtle Beach but for 1.5 years before going into foster care. You can understand this leaves me restless and unsure. Most people spend more than 5 years in one place.

I am feeling that way now. Not the need to leave my family, to pick us up and move, but the feeling that I need to leave one of my safe havens. A place I always thought I fit into until the past 2-3 months. I have been debating it, and it kills a part of me, but I think I need to. I don't think I fit in any longer, and that it's time to move on. Self preservation? Not wanting to be hurt? I don't know. When I start to feel like this, I don't generally know what I think. I am used to feeling like I am on the outside looking in, I just don't like the feeling when I once felt I was on the inside, laughing just as hard.

1 comment:

Coltonsmommy09 said...

I can sort of relate to wanting to leave a safe haven. I have felt like I was on the outside looking in at my job for a while. I hope you figure out what you want to do, stay or leave and the reasoning behind it. Good luck