It's finally mine

In the past, I have never had a Christmas Tree of my own. I have always had what someone else wanted, or come to some twisted compromise of what I thought was beautiful, and what they thought was cool.

Hence ending up with a tree like this:



But this year, I told Matt that I was changing the color scheme. Which he was surprisingly OK with. It actually shocked me how easy he went with it, but I am sure that it had a lot to do with the fact that I was going to make the majority of the ornaments myself. And I did. Over the past month, I have been busting my ass on the ornaments, and honestly?

I will probably redo them next year. It turns out, I want them to be perfect, so any change in that adjustment is going to drive me insane. But for this year, they are absolutely beautiful, and then only thing my tree is missing is the gold beads strung around. Maybe next year.

As for Matt and the girls? They are in love with the tree. Matt never wants to change the color scheme he was once so skeptical about.

Though, he still has his doubts over the tree topper. He wanted a traditional topper, that sat on top, like an Angel. I wanted a teddy bear who just made the top few branches his own personal lounger. I would like to think we made a wonderful compromise.





Tomorrow I will be featuring Matt's "Panther" tree.

Pink Trees and Blue Balls

Today we hit up Walmart again. This time to find a star for the girls pink tree. They love having their very own tree in their bedroom corner. And I love having a place for all of their beautiful handmade ornaments. For $15, it's not an ugly little tree!

So, we go out, and the stuff for little trees is pretty cheap. We found a glittery star for $2, and Emily asked to buy some balls. Matt was trying to steer her toward the silver balls, but my darling sweet Emily had to pick the color SHE wanted the most.

And proceeded to sing on the way out of Walmart: "I got Blue Balls. Mommy and Daddy gave me Blue Balls..."

And mommy and daddy hung their heads in shame. Currently there is a giant blue tree skirt around their tree from our old colors. Matt wants a Panthers tree really bad, so he is plotting to go back and buy the blue one to put on our little side table in the living room. As long as he doesn't touch my tree, I don't think I can really complain.

THINK PINK! Christmas Style...

The girls now have their very own Christmas Tree!

Disconnected

Disconnected from everything. I am sure he is trying, but then, why do I feel like crying all of the time? I think there is something wrong with me. Shouldn't I still be in newlywed glow? I keep hearing that people stay in that stage for months. It's been two months and two days, and I am sitting her on my couch staring at my Christmas tree wondering how much worse I will feel tomorrow.

He kissed me goodbye yesterday before heading to the guys. It was the first time he had really touched me since the 13th. No, I am not joking. Oh, he tried to play up the loveyness while we were at his mothers for Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't fake it. If you aren't going to show me at home, don't try and fake it elsewhere. My fragile sense of mind can't handle it right now.

I don't even think that he realizes that I keep pushing him out of the house to his friends more and more often, just so he's out of the house. At least when he's not here, the lack of attention doesn't feel so strong.

I don't know what happened in 2 short months. What happened to us. Before the wedding, I loved being with him, our sex life was wonderful, our friends faked throwing up over our closeness (Well, Jeff did). And now? I lay in bed right next to him and feel as if there is a great valley between us. Even on nights we didn't have sex, he always reached out to hold me, and now? I am generally lucky if he's even in the bed. If I am trying to fall asleep before him, he comes out into the living room to watch tv and falls asleep on the couch.

I don't know, maybe this all started with my insomnia, with my screwed up dreams, with him putting that stupid 360 in the bedroom after I asked him not too. I just feel unwanted, unloved, and bitchier by the day. And if I bring up how I am feeling, it's all my fault because I am a bitch. It doesn't matter that I am getting meaner and meaner with every second that goes by that I am being ignored. And I am in the wrong for that, I know, but I can't seem to stop myself. And he just laughs off my comments about how our sex life disappeared. About how I feel ugly, fat, and unwanted. By my own husband.

And the sad thing? Even after all of this, I don't think he realizes that anything is wrong.

SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA'S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!

Today was spent buying paints and shopping. I am making some wooden stars for the Christmas tree, and realizing that I have a whole bunch of homemade ornaments even from last year, where I painted a few Christmas balls. Matt and I have decided that we are going to buy a 3 foot pink tree from Walmart for the girls to put in their room with ornaments that they make. I know they will love it.

We also let the girls pick out their yearly ornaments for the big tree. Emily picked out a purple bell, while Chloe picked a pink convertible. So her. After we left Hobby Lobby (yes, I do live there), we came home for lunch and naptime.

Of course, this is when the events of the earlier entry took place, so let's fast forward.

We headed out to our favorite Christmas Tree lot. They are family owned, have AWESOME trees, and great prices. They also value their customers, because every year they send out a card giving you 10% off of the tree. They do a hay ride (FREE) for the kids and even have a sled out for the kids to sit in and get their picture taken in. It's such a wonderful place.

Christmas trees and I have a funny thing between us. Every year I say that we are going to wait to buy the tree, and yet every year I buy it either on or the day after, Thanksgiving. I can't help myself.

And this year, I really really love our tree.

Except for the fact, it's crooked. They cut the base at an angle, which is irritating, but Matt can fix that. I can't wait to decorate the tree!




(this is my living room after we got all the Christmas stuff out of the attic!)


And the crooked Christmas tree:

Men are useless

Matt and I decided to try and fix the trunk door on the van, which was not unlatching. This involves removing the entire back panel on the inside. Once we got it fixed, we took a break. I mean, it's kind of tiring taking off and entire back panel, when you have to keep saying "No Matt, just let me do it".

I came in before he did, he had the keys and wanted to mess some more. I was cold and the kids needed to take a nap after their lunch (Chloe does quiet time with a book). While I was doing this, he came in, with the keys, and went to the bathroom, put up the milk, eggs, and eggnog, and then set on the couch.

After a while, we decided to put the van back together again, so I went to grab the keys from where he "put them". They were not there. He rolled his eyes and said that of course they were, I just wasn't looking. He comes over, they are not there. He retraces his footsteps.

No keys.

I tell him to check the couch while I check the fridge, the girls bathroom, and the bedroom.

No keys.

He checks under the couch, behind the tv, and in the cushions while I head outside to scour the van.

No Keys.

At this point we are both getting angry. He goes through the trash in the kitchen and both bathrooms, while I go through all the dirty clothes.

No Keys.

We sit down to eat lunch before starting to look again, but we still can't find them, and we go out to put the van together, I mean, at least we still have the spare set until we find them. We just won't be able to use the remote access.

After we put everything back together, and I am getting the house ready for us to leave to go get our Christmas Tree, something tells me to check the couch cushions one more time, as I hadn't done it myself.

Oh My God. Keys.

Under the first damn cushion I lift.

I have been baking since Tuesday Night

And I am finally done. Matt can throw the two casseroles in the oven while I shower tomorrow. We have 2 Thanksgiving dinners to attend tomorrow. My MIL's and my sisters. No offense to my MIL, but I am most excited to be spending Thanksgiving with my sister. It's been a long time, and plus, this will be the opportunity for my nephew to spit up on me again.

No, seriously. Every.Single.Time. Last time he even pooped on me. I think if some type of bodily fluid doesn't get on me, my feelings will be hurt. (watch him pee in my eye this time)

Now that the bodily fluids are done... What have I been baking/cooking since Tuesday? Cookies, two 3 layer chocolate cakes, fresh rolls and corn bread muffins, Green bean casserole, and two macaroni and cheese casseroles. It's 2:26am and I am just now finishing up.

Of course, this two day cooking doesn't take into account the 2 pumpkin fluffs that I made. 1 for my nephews birthday party and 1 for Chloe's class party. Along with a loaf of pumpkin bread for her class party. And a cookie pie, just to try out the recipe.

So, here are the "fruits" of my Thanksgiving labor. Everything I make is pure homemade:

My cookies:



1 of the cakes I baked:


Dinner Rolls (first time I have ever made these!) I hope they reheat well.


Corn Bread Muffins. I can do these with my eyes closed:


Green Bean Casserole. This is the second time I have ever made this. Matt said a few years ago, the one I made was awful. I was crushed. Cross your fingers! I am putting on the crispy onions and baking in the AM:


One of the Mac and Cheese casseroles (baked mac and cheese)Will bake in the AM:


What my kitchen table looked like this morning:


And here is what happens when you have left over chocolate frosting and two extra cookies you don't need and your husband wants to play with the leftover royal icing in the piping bag:


Yes. That's a cookie sandwich.