Saturday, September 12, 2009

I am having nightmares.

We are officially 14 days from the wedding. I will be giving up the last name that I have had for 27 years, and becoming something far more common. It's not as scary as I once thought, but it is strange, for I have become so used to writing my name with such a flourish. I took years to perfect a signature I liked, and now I have to do it all over again! At least I can finally get a new social card. I hate my signature on it. I signed it when I was 16.

Our wedding cake topper, that we finally agreed on, after months of arguing? It's been discontinued, and no where stocks it. We found this out AFTER the company took our order and charged us. We got our money back, but were left with 16 days to find a new topper.

I also broke out with four huge pimples and a fever blister on my lip. Like I don't have enough to stress about. Which doesn't make things better, since stress is what caused them in the first place. And I can't leave them alone! Which means, I have 4 red, irritated pimples. Because I'm a moron.

As for the night mare that woke me up, it was awful. I am starting to feel better now, but sleep might still elude me, no matter how tired I actually am. Matt left me at the alter. Didn't show up. Had a friend tell me once I got to the location. (which makes no sense, as I will be there long before any of his friends, and will not even be in the dress yet). My dress was also cream, and more formfitting. And I was thin. That should have been a dead giveaway right there.

I was at home, Matt was gone, the kids were avoiding me, it's days later, and Matt finally shows up. I start yelling at him, and he's laughing at me, telling me I am over reacting, that he just wasn't ready, and I need to understand that. Then he goes into the bathroom to run a bath (since when can a 6'5 man take a bath? he barely fits under the shower head).

He leans down, and I notice the hickey on his neck. I call him out on it, and he sheepishly admits that it's a hickey. I start crying, screaming, and lashing out that he has ruined my life, and I thought I could forgive him before, but now that he slept with someone, I would never forgive him. He grabs my leg and tells me he didn't sleep with anyone, I kick him, and then wake up.

Which is why I am still awake.

I hate nightmares.

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