Lost

I feel a bit lost. With DH out of work, and never sleeping in bed with me, due to him waking up with anxiety nightmares, two kids who cling to me, one of which who can't decide if she hates me and wants to run away, or if she wants to love me until I suffocate. I have been applying for jobs, trying to do something until Matt gets back on his feet, but nothing is happening. I think most service jobs realize from my work experience, that this is not a long term thing. If they would just TALK to me, but I digress. Hell, even measly reception positions aren't calling me back right now. Though, they are paying just as little as Taco Bell.

On an OK note, I have been keeping the house clean, even sans dishwasher. We haven't had one since Friday, and it won't be ready until Wednesday. I made Matt buy paper plates, because I don't think I can wash another plate by hand. He refused, however, to buy plastic forks and cups. Maybe HE should be hand washing the dishes. This of course, also means that I am not cooking big meals. More dishes to hand wash? I don't think so. Which kind of sucks, because all of the possible meals I have in the house, are kind of big meals. I shot myself in the foot there.

Thumbelinas dad is having issues of his own, and part of me is so angry over it. His ex won't let him see their son unless he gives her money. He was giving her $200 a month (which, conveniently, is right above what he owes ME, and I am still not receiving, 4 years later.) He is lucky that he is paying by check, since she filed for support and said that he hasn't been giving her a dime. That lie worked in his favor. All he is responsible for is his sons health insurance. I guess where I get angry is that he took me to court and lied his ass off about me, and he is doing nothing now. I know it's not fully my business. Yet, I have a 4.5 year old who asks me all of the time why she can't see her baby brother. It puts me in the middle. Oops. I hope things work out for him though. Despite what he did to me, he is a good father. He loves our daughter.

There is what's going on with me right now.

If you don't think I am powerful, you're weird!

And with those words Alice became the most powerful person in the..... corners of her own little mind.

At least I'm not Church Donuts!

I have awesome friends. Yes, they live in my computer, and people can make fun of that, but these are friends who will always listen and give good advice, and call you when you really need someone. They will even travel to your house to see you get married.

I allowed my mother to come over on Easter. First time we have seen her since Christmas of 2008. Things went bad, and from that day, got drastically worse, to the point that now my sister will be getting a restraining order against her.

I posted the entire embarrassing "how did I come from this woman" story on my private board to my friends. They all gave such sound advice, and one of them even gave me a new catch phrase for fucking psycho.

Donuts in a church/preschool parking lot... Tina, how did you end up so balanced? So responsible? So NOT church donuts?

So, at least I'm not church donuts!

Why do you think you're better than me?

It's a sad realization that women are their own worst enemies. Not to themselves, but to their fellow woman. Men tend to not judge, trash, and bring down their own as hard as we do. They do it, but not to the frequency. They aren't going to judge a dad who drinks a beer or takes a day to themselves. Women? We will call that woman a whore who shouldn't have kids.

I can think of 4 reasons that I am a bad mom this morning.

1. Kids woke up before me
2. I waited until 9:30 to get out of bed and cook french toast
3. The kids are in the backyard playing and I am not with them
4. it's Saturday, but I am still a SAHM

That's just 4 simple things. Let's not discuss the fact that since one child is a friend sleeping over, I let them turn on the Wii before 12pm. ;)

Seriously though, why is it that women judge themselves in comparison to other women? Stay at home moms are lazy fat freaks whose husbands obviously cheat on them. Working moms are horrible mothers who obviously can't stand their kids and should never of had them.

Moms whose kids know who Blue from Blues Clues or Miley from Hannah Montana are horrible lazy moms who let the TV babysit the kids. Moms who don't allow their kids to watch TV are denying their child their childhood and are obviously tyrants.

The list can go on and on. Where does it stop? When do we stop putting down other moms to make ourselves feel better about our own possibly inadequate child rearing choices? I admit, I judge too! I try not to judge harshly, but if I see your child acting like a brat and you still give into their every whim, I think to myself "no wonder". It's not right. I shouldn't do it, but do I hate that mom? Do I talk trash about her to other moms? NO. Because, in the end, she's coping the best that SHE knows how. And I am bad for judging. At least I admit that I do it.

I am sure there are those who judge me when they see me explaining to my daughter that she can't have seconds and she whines that she's still hungry. I know my daughter. I know she's not still hungry. I also know that their are medical reasons that she can't have seconds after a full meal. Of course, the woman at table 3 giving me the evil eye doesn't, and it makes me feel like crap.

It's not just moms either. It's women with no children, high school girls, middle school girls, and sadly, even elementary school girls. Where do you think they learn this behavior? From you. Their mother. The woman who raises them and teaches them values and manners. So maybe we should try just a bit harder to teach our kids that it's not right. Maybe one day, women will actually support each other.

You know you want a piece of it

I didn't get a birthday cake last year. All I wanted was a TCBY white chocolate mousse ice cream cake. You see, only TCBY knows how to make an ice cream cake. You have your two layers of cake (Chocolate in my case), and instead of icing, you put frozen yogurt (White Chocolate Mousse, as we discussed). Matt didn't get one. I was sad. He promised this year to do it.

Apparently, TCBY started smoking crack. At that same time, they stopped making the larger cakes, now only offering the 9" round, for $38.00. Who in their right mind would spend that on cake? No matter how good? So, I said no. I may love to spend money, but that was insane.

Sadly, it meant I wasn't getting a cake this year. Until I walked into the evil Walmart. There, in the deli department, was a yummy looking oreo cake. Originally $8, but because the cherry had fallen, it was marked down to $4.50.

I got my birthday cake damn it!

Home Improvement: Tim Style

Our bathroom was purple. Not just that, it was purple, with dark blue countertops and a beige and dark blue floor. Not the best color combo. Not much I could do, as the countertops and flooring came with the house. We just don't have the money to invest in changing them just yet.

The paint you ask? Well, somehow, when we asked them to paint over the dark blue walls (you get that? Yeah, all dark blue. According to the neighbors, the entire house used to be dark blue inside.), they decided to not do it, and my realtor did it instead. I was expecting white. The color we were shocked by however, was purple.

We had such headaches over the whole deal, that we just let it go, I mean, Thumbelinas favorite color is purple... Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I finally painted it.

There is still a lot of work to be done. We are changing the toilet, I need a new curtain and rod, as well as I am framing the mirror. But for now, at least the damn thing isn't purple!

BEFORE:



AFTER:


It's called "Dapper Tan" from Glidden. However, the name leaves me wanting to sing "Man of Constant Sorrow" from Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (Come on, you remember! George Clooney had to have his Dapper Dan hair stuff!)

No use crying over spilled milk

It's the morning of my 28th birthday. This is the age I want to stop at. I don't want to get any older, so can time stop now?

Last night I prepared my birthday breakfast. Strawberry stuffed french toast. I slid it into the fridge to sit overnight, so Matt could get up in the morning, throw it in the oven for an hour, and serve me breakfast. He brought it in with a huge glass of chocolate milk (which reminds me, I'm still thirsty)

Thumbelina comes in, complaining that she doesn't want the breakfast. OK, so don't eat it? She swings her arms wide, and the chocolate milk, that I haven't even touched goes flying.

Am.not.going.to.cry. Thank God it's my birthday. Matt cleaned it up.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Brown Egg

Today has been a really long day, from returning furniture after a store screwed it up, to seeing my mother for the first time in a year and a half. Then realizing that it will be the last time.

I smelled the alcohol in her breath. Don't get me wrong, she looks to be doing better. She's actually wearing her hearing aids, and was coherent, but I could smell the alcohol in her breath. Whether it's because she needed "liquid courage" or not, one drink, one SIP, is not going to work for me. She's an alcoholic. It's all or nothing.

The rest of our day involved us running. Home Depot for paint samples? CHECK! Even found the perfect color! Badcock to return the bed? CHECK! Shopping for capris that no store had in my size? CHECK!

Oh? You want to know more? Badcock. With a name like that, you would think your company would try hard to look good. Apparently, this is not the case. Last week we ordered Thumbelinas bed through them. We even pointed to the picture in their book. Yesterday, we got the call that it came in, and Matt went to pick it up. We bought the mattresses, and today went to set it up. It's the wrong bed. >:( So, of course we took it back up there. While walking in the front doors, another person cut me and my kids off, PUSHING us out of the way. It was a fucking employee. Yes, an employee pushed customers out of her way, while they were walking in the door. Apparently, she couldn't wait an extra 2 seconds to enter the door herself.

We were able to return the bed, and luckily they had the right one in stock, but do you know, we didn't even get an apology? All the MANAGER could say is "that guys an idiot". Well, so are you Fred, and this is the last time I deal with your company.

On to shopping for my Capris. I went to Lane Bryant, Maurices, Cato, Its Fashion, Target and Kohls. I walked away with one pair of shorts and one pair of jeans that were 50% off. Not one place had any capris in stock in my size. Most of them only had 1-4 pairs total! People, it's 87 degrees outside, STOCK UP. Fat people need clothes too. We are the last thing people want to see running around naked due to the lack of clothes. I was in tears today.

FYI Target: You are assholes for putting the fat clothes next to the maternity clothes. ASSHOLES. I am not the only one who thinks so. Another woman and her thin daughter totally agreed with me.

After the stressful day, Matt, the girls, and I finally made it home. And we were so glad. Thumbelina started pitching a loud fit while I was in the dressing room at Kohls, I was naked and couldn't get to her, and it's all because Matt told her no. She was so loud that security came over, eyed Matt up and down, and then said "everything's alright" in to her walkie. Matts' nerves were shot after that one.

Now, what does the title have to do with ANYTHING in this entire post? We dyed eggs tonight. Awesomely I might add. I decided to use my food colorings on them and save $1.00. It was a neat experiment and I found that my high grade food colorings are better to color with than the liquid food colorings.


Those turned out lovely, right? Well, my first attempt was with the liquid colors. I mixed red and blue for a pretty purple. The egg turned brown. You would think we would hate it, but we all fell in love with the egg that looks like hardwood. Even the girls!