Lost

I feel a bit lost. With DH out of work, and never sleeping in bed with me, due to him waking up with anxiety nightmares, two kids who cling to me, one of which who can't decide if she hates me and wants to run away, or if she wants to love me until I suffocate. I have been applying for jobs, trying to do something until Matt gets back on his feet, but nothing is happening. I think most service jobs realize from my work experience, that this is not a long term thing. If they would just TALK to me, but I digress. Hell, even measly reception positions aren't calling me back right now. Though, they are paying just as little as Taco Bell.

On an OK note, I have been keeping the house clean, even sans dishwasher. We haven't had one since Friday, and it won't be ready until Wednesday. I made Matt buy paper plates, because I don't think I can wash another plate by hand. He refused, however, to buy plastic forks and cups. Maybe HE should be hand washing the dishes. This of course, also means that I am not cooking big meals. More dishes to hand wash? I don't think so. Which kind of sucks, because all of the possible meals I have in the house, are kind of big meals. I shot myself in the foot there.

Thumbelinas dad is having issues of his own, and part of me is so angry over it. His ex won't let him see their son unless he gives her money. He was giving her $200 a month (which, conveniently, is right above what he owes ME, and I am still not receiving, 4 years later.) He is lucky that he is paying by check, since she filed for support and said that he hasn't been giving her a dime. That lie worked in his favor. All he is responsible for is his sons health insurance. I guess where I get angry is that he took me to court and lied his ass off about me, and he is doing nothing now. I know it's not fully my business. Yet, I have a 4.5 year old who asks me all of the time why she can't see her baby brother. It puts me in the middle. Oops. I hope things work out for him though. Despite what he did to me, he is a good father. He loves our daughter.

There is what's going on with me right now.