22 years ago...

Or 22.5 years ago I guess. I remember our Kindergarten readers showing solar panels on top of peoples houses. This had just started, the whole trying to harness other sources of energy. At they time, I truly thought that when I grew older, solar panels would be on top of every home, helping all of Americans.

Of course, I was wrong. I have never seen solar panels on a house in real life. And until today, it never actually made me sad. Today, I want to cry over it. We know, for a fact, that solar panels work. That windmills work. So why are we not using them? What, are we afraid our roofs won't look pretty? What if I bedazzle it for you? Our landscapes will be ruined by windmills? I don't think Holland agrees! ;) Plus, I have seen pictures of windmills all in a row. It's beautiful.

There are my musings for the day. I went to bed last night with a fever of 103.0. And while there is no fever today, I am still hot as hell, and pissed that another head cold attacked me, when I just got over the other one.

I dream big-Home Improvement

Our dishwasher is on it's last leg. Matt and I are under the assumption that it's the original from when the house was built in 1998, so if this is the case, it lasted 12 years. Good for it. So, we are looking for a new one, and we have always known that we were going to replace the appliances, as we can't stand white.

Now, if we would stop arguing over stainless vs. black. I say we are going with black because little children prints don't show as easily. He says stainless, as it helps resale value. Which shouldn't matter if we are going to be here for at least 10 years, right? So, black it is.

But, I don't want to replace just one appliance black, and still have a white sink, stove, range microwave, and fridge. I want them ALL black. And if I am going to do that, then I need to go ahead and get the counters redone, but before I can do that, I need to stain the cabinets to a darker color.

Then, once all of that is done, we have to replace the vinyl with stone, as it just looks better, but then the walls don't match, and we need to get off our asses and paint those. Since one wall connects to the living room, those need to be done as well. Which doesn't mean I need to rip up the carpet in the living room and hallway and replace with a dark wood floor, but it will look so much better once I do, right?

Open Letter to Alice's School

Do you people have a single brain in your head? I have already noticed that you are a crappy school and wishing I had lied to keep my daughter in her old school. Instead, I did the honest thing and put her in our district when we moved. And I have regretted that choice ever since.

While the last school was considered failing by not having the right number of students pass the test, this school was on it's first year of not having that issue. I was happy with this, thinking that it meant the school was great. I was WRONG. It's because your school does nothing but teach the test. That's it. Leaving students who are ahead to get screwed by sitting on the sidelines while you make sure No Child Gets Left Behind.

Now, to the reason I have publicly decided to come out and tell you how idiotic you all are. The state math competition is an awesome thing. And I am happy that my Alice was picked. And even happier that she she is the captain of her 2nd grade team. I do have to ask however, who in their right mind came up with the name Mathbaters? I think that teacher hit the bong a few too many times.

But I digress. That right there is a reason to laugh, not to want to throw bricks at skulls. My anger stems from what you people are offering these children for BREAKFAST. You graciously let us know you will be providing breakfast, and send home a menu that our children get to pick from:

2 Donuts w/Coffee...............$3.50
2 Donuts w/Soft Drink........$3.50
1 Donut..................................$1.25
Popcorn w/drink..................$3.00

Excuse me if I am wrong, but you are taking students, from your school, and jacking them up on sugar and caffeine, right before they are to compete in an academic competition? REALLY? How about asking all parents to send $5.00 so the kids can go to Denny's a get a freaking Grand Slam? As awful as that is, it's HEALTHIER than your options. Once again, I am back to the thought that a teacher must have hit that bong a little bit to hard. There is no other excuse.

I think I will feed my daughter on my own. Thank you, but no thanks.

Now I want a damn donut.

Blue Balls and Mathbaters

Alice was picked to be the captain of the 2nd grade math debate team for the state competition tomorrow. The name of the math debaters? Mathbaters. Please try and say that 3 times fast? Of course, we are keeping our laughs and smirks to ourselves. She is really happy and proud of herself. We are too.

Then, Thumbelina pulls out something she made in school for Valentines Day. It was kind of like a Mad Libs kind of thing. Remember those? Where you would have " _________ went to the store and bought _________, while wearing __________" Usually it would wind up hilarious when people are being naughty. Maybe I rubbed off on Thumbelina in utero?

Love is Red, Balls are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you!

Peaches Pantry

Make sure to check it out for awesome meals!

Peaches Pantry

Happy Behead a Saint Day

"Remember that Saint Valentine was beaten with clubs and stones, and then beheaded. Whomever associated this holiday with love was into some serious S&M."

I cheered up half of my Facebook friends with that thought yesterday. Matt made me a beautiful card. Yes, he drew me a card! Much better than anything that Hallmark could make. I also received tulips. Potted tulips, so they won't die. :)

When I was a little girl still living with my parents in Charlotte, there where tulips in the front yard. We had this area that was full of trees and had these two rocks, that made what I would assume was the school desk Fred Flintstone used. The tulips were in that spot. It was awesome. The new owners ripped it all up. Idiots. I am going to plant our tulips in the front of our yard. Our house has a similar spot.

Matt and I were able to make it out, the snow was a soft powder that melted fast. Before Alice went to MIL's house though, we baked a beautiful Valentines Day cake. 3 layers, filled with cream cheese icing, and covered with purple butter-cream. Alice did all the decorating! She was so happy with her final product.



After dropping Alice off with Matts mom, we headed over to the guys. Where I completely enjoyed my first night out in months! Originally we were going to grill out and then head for bowling, but we were having so much fun, we just stayed in. We did grill out steaks and shrimp. We made corn and pintos, rolls and baked potatoes. Best. Valentines Day. EVER!

Happy Valentines Day!

My friend Amy shared this with me, and I wanted to share it further:

Compliments of the Cornell Daily Sun, Feb 1995

The Whos down in Whoville are in for a scare
Because I've returned, I've crawled out of my lair.
Now Christmas I've stolen, I've done that before
But I am a Grinch and I need to do more.
So hide all your hearts and your candy so red
Lock all your doors and crawl into bed.
Because I now swear, as I have done before
That Valentine's Day will be worshipped no more.
First I'll kill Cupid- I'll kick his punk ass
He's always annoyed me, he's never had class.
Running around in a diaper, shooting us all
WIth his dumb little arrows, he expects us to fall
So madly in love on this poor, stupid day,
But it will happen no longer, No chance, NO WAY!
I'll poison your candy, your flowers will die,
And all of you lovebirds will be left there to cry.
But, I having stolen the whole Valentine's mess,
Will be sitting so pretty at my secret address.
Locked away laughing, so happy to say
That I have just ruined this miserable day.
So cancel your dinners, forget what you've planned,
I've banished all Valentines and their crap from the land.

I Forced My Daughter To Do Something She Didn't Want To Do

And it worked out. As I knew it would. But for 2 weeks, I was the evil mommy who wouldn't let her return the book until she read it.

The Babysitters Club, by Ann M. Martin. These are the books that got me hooked on reading. She likes reading, but only books that her friends tell her are "cool". Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Dear Dumb Diary, Judy Moody... She balked at Anne of Green Gables, which, I have to admit, kind of hurt! But I still have the rule that she can check out 3 of her choice, and one of mommys. If she doesn't like it, it's fine, but she has to give it an open mind.

Finally, she read the book. Right away she couldn't wait to get to the library to get more. She is currently half way through #2. It's 7:46pm and my daughter is laying in bed, reading.

All right, I need a pill to stop dreams

This has gone far enough, and I am sick and tired of it. These dreams are so damned vivid. Luckily, I know that it's due to watching a video of a friends infant, seeing another friends ultrasound photos (which, D, congrats!), and seeing another mother get a surprise positive pee stick.

So, I just need to stay away from babies, pregnant women, and pregnancy tests. That should be easy!

This dream had me at a dinner party with Matts family and my father and his family. Also, Natalie and Rosalie where there as well. Don't ask what the part was for! It started off with us talking about a pregnancy test that not only told you if you were pregnant, but the gender as well. (Of course, this was pink for girl and blue for boy. One line)

For some reason, I happened to have a cup of pee sitting in my car, so I went out, and used a dollar store test. Of course, being my dream, IT'S A 2 LINER! So, I go back in, and everyone is wondering where I have been, but the only person I am looking for is Matt.

And then I wake up, and slowly remember, I am NOT pregnant.

Barney Stinson loves ME!

For those that can not get through to the number that Barney Stinson showed during the Superbowl last night, here is his message.

2010 SuperBowl Highlights

First off, WTF Budweiser? Where the hell is my damn donkey?

Commercials to Mention:

• Dog Shock Collar-Doritos
• Keep Your Hands Off My Mama!-Doritos
• Gibbs Slap replaces the Handshake-NCIS
• Playing Like Betty White-Snickers
• Mr. Burns loses everything-Coke
• Human Bridge-Budweiser
• Oprah, Letterman, and Leno- Late Show
• Brett Farve 2020 MVP-Hyundai
• Office Bitch gets dead box flowers- Teleflora
• OMG, Barney did WHAT?-How I Met Your Mother (Call 1-877-987-6401. Seriously. Call it)
• Google for Life-Google Commercial (you have to see this to understand how awesome it truly is)
• Bull and Clydesdale BFF's-Budweiser

The New Volkswagen Punch Commercial gets a special mention for not only bringing up the old “punch bug” game (which Matt and I still play), but for being totally unremarkable in every way, until Stevie Wonder punches Tracy Morgan and says “red one” leaving Tracy Morgan to wonder how he does it.

CBS Care about Women-Sorry, but the commercial left me wanting to know more, but irritated that it didn't explain. “Ladies, your heart attack symptoms are different than ours. We cared enough to tell you that. If you want to know HOW, Google it bitch”

Clothing Optional Commercials- Dockers, Career Builder

BARGAIN OF THE DAY: Tuesday is FREE Grand Slam Day at Denny's. From 6am-2pm

Justin and Janet, I just want to say Thank You. I hope you heard the fact that this was dripping with Sarcasm. Since your “stunt” half time shows have been full of people that I know, but could honestly care less to see. And I hear that next year, it's going to be The Eagles? Really? All we are getting now are people and bands who were popular when my parents were young?

Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees, and the flowers and the trees

Today Alice and I finally discussed sex. I promised not to go into the mechanics, as she wasn't ready for it, but she was curious about periods, which means I have to explain babies as well. Thumbelina was in the playroom, not the least bit worried, and Matt took off to the bedroom, not wanting to hear a damn thing.

I also happen to have a huge dry erase board mounted on my kitchen wall. I had it put there when I was wedding planning, and I use it as a family calender now. Today, it became a bit more.

I explained to Alice about the ovaries and how the egg releases and told her that if a man and woman don't have sex (She covered her ears and reminded me I promised. To which I said that was it, no more S-E-X mention), that the egg dies.

This of course, led to, how does that itty bitty thing become a baby? I asked is she was sure she wanted to know, because it involved THAT? She decided she could handle it. So, I drew more diagrams, and explained about testicles and the mans penis, about X and Y chromosomes, and how Women only had X, and that every X was a girl, and that men had both X and Y, and that's why they get to "choose" the sex of the baby.

She especially enjoyed the part where I explained that while the Y sperm (boy) can swim faster, that the X sperm (girl) lasted longer. Here is my final diagram.

(these are not hairy balls. Those dots are sperm)

Did I mention that I am NOT an artist? Did I also mention that I was cooking eggs while doing this demonstration?

Can it stop please?

Another positive pregnancy test dream. This is starting to get old. (and I am starting to not want to wake up)

I have to say though, that my mind invents some complicated ass pregnancy tests. Where it shows the result for a microsecond and then you have to push 50 buttons on the "digital" device to find out what those results mean.

Even in my dreams things are overly complicated.