Compliments of the Cornell Daily Sun, Feb 1995
The Whos down in Whoville are in for a scare
Because I've returned, I've crawled out of my lair.
Now Christmas I've stolen, I've done that before
But I am a Grinch and I need to do more.
So hide all your hearts and your candy so red
Lock all your doors and crawl into bed.
Because I now swear, as I have done before
That Valentine's Day will be worshipped no more.
First I'll kill Cupid- I'll kick his punk ass
He's always annoyed me, he's never had class.
Running around in a diaper, shooting us all
WIth his dumb little arrows, he expects us to fall
So madly in love on this poor, stupid day,
But it will happen no longer, No chance, NO WAY!
I'll poison your candy, your flowers will die,
And all of you lovebirds will be left there to cry.
But, I having stolen the whole Valentine's mess,
Will be sitting so pretty at my secret address.
Locked away laughing, so happy to say
That I have just ruined this miserable day.
So cancel your dinners, forget what you've planned,
I've banished all Valentines and their crap from the land.