Remember the music that marked your high school years? There are the usual players for me. I have my favorite band of all time, The Smashing Pumpkins. We had one hit wonders such as Marcys Playground and their Sex and Candy. Ricky Martin and Brittany Spears played in the background, but I ignored that Or tried to. I could still probably sing Living La Vida Loca.
We still played old cake, and Everclear was still wonderful. Green Day was still an under appreciated band, Natalie Imbruglia and Aqua were in my "don't tell a soul I listen to them!" file. Third Eye Blind kept making me cry.
Then there was Blink-182. You couldn't watch a video without tears running down your cheeks. Never realizing exactly how sad some of their lyrics really were. These songs were such a big part of my life, and I didn't even realize it then. I just thought they were there for me to like. THEN. Who cared about now. Back then, who even thought about now?
Matt and I were watching The Blink-182 Chronicles tonight. I just wanted to cry. This familiar pang came over my heart. The one that misses the bittersweet turmoil of my life back then. The unloved foster child who tried to make life better. It's not as if I knew anything different. I start missing my friends, my boyfriends. It's bittersweet.
I don't even know if it's the people I miss or the feelings that I miss. As a teenager, things feel so much stronger, so much more powerful. The world seemed to be open for anything. 10 years later, at 27, I am a mother. I am getting married. I have rules and responsibilities I couldn't forsee as a 17 year old bright eyed child.
It's not that I don't love my life now, it's just not what I forsaw as a 16 year old girl, sitting in my rooms with headphones listening to Marc asking "What's my Age Again?" Back then, 23 seemed to be a mystical age, where I would be so grown up.
I can laugh at that now. If there is anything that I can teach my children now, it would be to not blink. That country song has it right. This life goes by faster than anyone thinks it does. And if you blink, you might miss it changing, and be left wondering how you missed the changes.