Every night. In my dreams. Seriously. He and I have both always had some dreams where the other one cheats. We chalk it up to past relationships where the crap has happened to us, and is now playing out our worst fears in our heads. I probably don't make him feel much better when I ask "well, was I skinny?"
Since we stopped having sex, 4 months before the wedding, call it our vow to God, I have started having these dreams, well, nightmares so frequently. It doesn't make for a good morning. You know it's not real, but the feelings are still there.
Last night, the dream was strange on so many levels. But the important facts are that he slept with an old friend of mine, and she got pregnant. I left him, but could never get over him. Life constantly just hurt. It took 2 or 3 months, he stayed single, but I got back with him. I couldn't be away. He made a mistake. She is still pregnant.
When she was 6 months pregnant, it turns out, *I* am pregnant too. I hated my once former friend, but when I found her in the bathroom trying to kill herself, I stopped her, and we made up. As much as you can with a person who is pregnant by your fiance.
After finding out I was pregnant, I bring up him cheating on me again, asking him why he could take her places he didn't take me. Such as clubs. To which he tries to dodge, but eventually tells me that it was a sex club. Of course, I am shocked and horrified, and ask how many women he really slept with that night. He replies 16. I feel my blood rush from my head, know I am going to leave him for good now.
Then, I wake up. Tell me that wasn't some level of a hellish nightmare. This is what I am dreaming all of the time now! I have a ticker at the bottom of this blog, counting down to the wedding. I don't know if my sanity will survive these dreams.
On top of that, I wake up to a dream analysis on Yahoo this morning that says people who have nightmares are more prone to suicide. I am starting to think a therapist would have a field day with me.