I am more than a mom, right?

Because sometimes, I really don't think I am. Is being a mom all there is to me? Am I going to be anything more to anyone else? Or is this my total identity now? Matt can go off anytime he pleases to hang out with the guys, have fun, be something more than a dad, but damn it, I can't!

It seems guys are more patient to wait for their friends, and not give up on them if they can't jump every time they call, but women? It's like a 3 strike rule. "Let's not call Tina anymore, because she's always with the kids." I just want to cry.

What happened to me? When did I lose myself? Don't get me wrong! I love Matt, I love my girls. And I wouldn't trade them for anything. (the hope diamond? ....Um....Um....Well.....No.) Sometimes though, mommy needs to be something else. A friend. Who's holding a drink in one hand, and laughing her ass off. Twirling on the dance floor with the girlfriends of the past.

Our Town Chocolatier is an ass

but, we still ordered from him, because driving to South Park to pick up chocolates for the favors just seems to be too much. Especially being the day before the wedding. I have enough to do, right?

Why do I think that Jean Luc and Ann Marie are assholes? Well, they were down right rude. Matt wants to think it's because from France, but I have met plenty of French people who were super sweet and friendly, not stuck up jerks. She is from New York, and that's not an excuse to be a bitch to clients either. My own father is from New York and can charm the socks off of people.

Normally, when someone sets up an appointment, you prepare for them. From the moment we arrived, my sister, Matt, and I felt as if we were intruding upon them. Matt jokingly said "we are here for our appointment to eat some truffles!" with his normal smile, and she looked stone faced at him and responds "have to pay for them" As if dealing with us was an aggravation. Really? We want to give you business, at least SMILE.

Every question seemed to be a hassle for them to answer. I think at one point she actually rolled her eyes at our question about the pricing and flavors of truffles. My sister is one of the sweetest, nicest people to deal with, and not even a small twinkle in their eye. I don't get it. Why be rude? Every vendor I have dealt with has been all smiles, and helpful. Coming and sitting down at a table and going over options. These people never even stepped foot from behind their counter.

My personal opinion is that I offended them by not using them for my wedding cake. Well, sorry, but the guy down the street makes cakes the I love, and I am not going to pay $200 more to YOU for a cake I may not like. Matt says they couldn't possibly have an issue with this, but since they asked me 5 times on the phone, and then 3 times in the store about their cakes and who I was using, I am under the impression that they are offended.

All I am going to say is word of mouth. As soon as I told Emily Sims, our Wedding Venue coordinator about the service, she informed me that I am not the first to have issues with them, and that they had removed them from their website due to that same issue.

15 Books that I will always remember~As Tagged by Mary

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing your picks. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your 15 picks, and tag people in the note - upper right hand side).

1. Harry Potter~J.K. Rowling (full series)
2 Twilight~Stephanie Myers (full series)
3. Heaven~ VC Andrews (full series)
4. Rita Hayworth and The ShawShank Redemtion~Stephen King
5. Are You There God? It's Me Margaret~Judy Bloom
6. The Babysitters Club ~Ann M. Martin (full series)
7. Aisling Grey~Katie MacAlister~(Full Series of the Green Dragons)
8. Southern Vampire Mysteries~Charlaine Harris (Sookie Stackhouse full series)
9.The Davinci Code~Dan Brown
10.Mirror Mirror~Gregory MacGuire
11. Little Women~Louisa May Alcott
12. A Light in the Attic~Shel Silverstein
13. Where the Heart Is~Billie Letts
14. Servants of the Twilight~Dean Koontz
15. Big Time Novels~Jennifer Estep (full series)

I am sure that there are more, but these are the ones I remember close to my heart, off the top of my head.

Watchmen~(and the big blue penis)

I just sat through two night of Watchmen. It took two nights because he fell asleep last night. Which I would normally say doesn't bode well for the film, but Matt is one of those people who can just fall asleep. I don't know what actually keeps him from sleeping during car trips. Probably my ever running mouth about his driving.

To be honest, I never actually read the Watchmen comic. I knew about it, but never really read up on it. I know more about the X-Men and Spiderman (which could be a whole other post on my anger of how X-Men was ruined by film), but I was intrigued at seeing a giant blue penis up on my screen, so I watched the movie.

It wasn't horrible. Wasn't the best movie I have ever seen, but not a total waste of two nights, even if I would have preferred seeing Harry Potter and The Sorcerers Stone again. The blue penis, which I personally thought should have been the highlight of the entire movie, was relatively small in comparison. I felt like breaking out the magnifying glass. I mean, if you are going to be a six foot tall glowing blue man, please be a shower, not a grower. For the female fans?

Dr. Manhattan though, seems to be great in bed, as he kept Laurie satisfied with 3 versions of himself, while still working with a 4th version. Most woman only dream about having more than one man showering her with attention, and this whiny bitch just gets mad. I think I might need to pimp slap some sense into her.

Currently Matt is offering to go out to the van to grab my first two Harry Potter movies. But, I said no, as I really want him to watch them with me. I have set through Lord of the Rings at least 4 times, and Star Wars, it's the least he could do. Why won't I let him get the movies to start tonight? Remember that falling asleep issue I mentioned earlier? Well, there you go. I'll torture him tomorrow evening.

Peaches Goes to Washington

Well, I went there last Saturday. Maybe I should have wrote "peaches" goes to Connecticut? Because in 20 days, that's where I am heading. Train ticket to Virginia is booked, and off we go.

Wait, why am I taking the long way around you ask? Well, I am meeting up with another mommy before I head. And even possibly bringing a mommy with me to meet another mommy so we can drive to see even ANOTHER mommy, who has another mommy coming to see her.

For those keeping track, that will be me and 4 another mommies. Possibly 3 another mommies, one hasn't finalized it yet. Which reminds me, I need to let her know to be here on Wednesday, since the train picks up at 8am on the 13th.

First Irish, Now DaySleeper. I am deleting FaceBook!

My Firsts
These are my firsts. If I tag you it means I want to know yours. Copy and paste this note into your notes, delete my answers and fill yours in. Tag me back and anyone else whose "firsts" you wanna know

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
~Jason Lackey

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love
~Ha! No. But that's a funny strange little story

3. What was your 1st alcoholic drink?
~When I picked up my moms vodka collins when I was 4.

4. What was your FIRST job?
~Waitress at Amalfis Pizza

5. What was your FIRST car?
~Toyota Corolla

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
~Erin, in response to mine

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
~My cousin. She was ringing the doorbell

8. Who was my first grade teacher?
~I can name my kindy teacher!

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
~Europe. Well, into jersey for a connecting flight, then to England

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
~Stephanie Sweeny. We are FB/Myspace friends

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
~I don't remember if it was at my house or hers, but with the above mentioned

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
~Charly. Again, she was ringing my doorbell

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
~Jennifers

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
~Opened the door for my cousin. Seriously people, haven't you figured this out yet?

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
~My aunt took me to a Reba concert.

16. FIRST tattoo?
~back of my left shoulder

17. First piercing?
~Ears

18. First foreign country you've been to?
~England

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
~Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (great dad)

20. When was your FIRST detention?
~I got ISS for scratching the crap out of a boy. He grabbed me!

21. What was the first state you lived in?
~NC

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
~Being a Foster Child? Um... I can't remember. WAY too many. Maybe it was Hazel?

23. If you had one wish. What would it be?
~Dean, Sam, and Castiel. And then Billy Corgan

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
~Spanish. Fluently. Then cake decorating, sewing, knitting...

25. Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
~Irish Mary? As payback?

3 Things of Me, since Irish hates me and tagged me, knowing my weakness for stupid stuff.

You've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with the 3's of YOU. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged. You have to tag me so really you just need 19 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you - but not in a creepy stalker kind of way. It's a good way to learn more about your friends without INTRUDING!!

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 3''s of Me, tag 20 people - in the right hand corner of the app - then click publish.)


Three names I go by (besides given name)
1. Peaches
2. Baby
3. Mommy

Three Jobs I have had in my life
1. Waitress
2. Autistic Tutor
3. Administrative Assistant

Three Places I have lived
1. Charlotte
2. Statesville
3. Asheville

Three Favorite drinks
1. Daiquiris
2. Coke
3. Sweet Tea

Three TV Shows that I watch
1. NCIS
2. Bones
3. True Blood

Three places I have been
1. England
2. Paris
3. Spain

People that call me regularly
1. Matt
2. Matt's Mom Sharan
3. My Dad

Three of my favorite foods
1. Lasagna
2. Cheese & Onion Enchiladas
3. Cheese Steak

Three friends I think will respond
1. I
2. Don't
3. Know

Three Things I am looking forward to
1. My Wedding
2. My Bachelorette party
3. My Honeymoon

Three Things I Always Have Beside Me
1. My Computer
2. My daughters
3. My engagement ring

The Peach Trick

Back after popular demand.... And I can't claim credit for it. I started a thread on the OBHB about tricks for oral intimacy, and another poster told me about the Peach Trick. I tried it, and Matt loved it. Since then, I am the Peach Princess. Below is a basic tutorial for the trick.

For the peach trick, you get a peach, and "core it" as you would an an apple. slit it down one side, to allow for sliding it on, otherwise it will split during your solo mouth routine.

After you finishing taking out the pit and enough flesh, heat it up for 10-30 seconds in the microwave. Test the temperature with your tongue, or else you will burn his penis. Not fun.

USE A TOWEL. Yes, there will be juice. That's what makes it taste good for you!

Also, this is NOT a technique to be used when intercourse is going to happen.

Slide the peach up and down his shaft, it feels like your vagina, hot and wet, on his penis. Then, you take the tip in your mouth, while still moving the peach on the base of the shaft, slightly up and down, along with a turning twist of the wrist, while blowing the upper half.

Greetings and Salutations from my bed.

I was so terrified Wednesday night. I just knew I had forgotten to pack something and would wind up in Virginia without a bra or with no pants. It's amazing how terrified packing for just 4 short days can make you. Add that to the anxiety that Mary was going to hate me when we got up there? You can imagine I didn't get much sleep.

For the most part, all of my fears were unfounded (unless Mary secretly hated me. If so, kudos for hiding it really well!). The only thing I forgot was my razor. Which left Matt with no razor to shave with since I bogarted his for my underarms.

Right away it seemed that Mary and I hit it off. And let me tell you, this woman is an excellent cook. Her eggs can give you an orgasm. Of course, so can the new camera she bought when we were up there, but I'll let her tell you about that beauty on her blog. (which I am not linking for privacy issues. If you know, you know). I was nervous about talking to her, since conversations online are one thing, but face to face? How do you transition? Honestly? It was not hard at all. As Matt can attest to, we never really stopped talking. Even today when it was time to go, we kept talking about kids shows and other stuff that to most won't mean a thing. Poor Matt. He was so lost. But, held up surprisingly well I think.

There is so much that we did, so much that we talked about, it was like we had been friends forever! Or at least it was for me. :-) On Saturday we went to DC. It was fun, but HARD. We took the Metro to Arlington and it was wonderful to see the graves of people who fought for us. I know that I don't support the war in Iraq, but I fully support the troops that are there, living, fighting, dying, even for a cause I don't believe in. Seeing the tomb of the unknown brought tears to my eyes. We couldn't get the stroller up, so Mary stayed down so the older girls, Matt, and I could see it. She actually used to work there!

Somehow, we all agreed that we should just walk to the monuments across the bridge. That's right... We walked from Virginia to Washington DC. OMG, I am still hurting! We were all thinking by the end of the day that we had walked 10 miles. Mary called her dad once we got back to the car. That "10 miles"? Yeah, more like 2.7-3.0miles. LoL. I still say Google Maps are WRONG! Matt pushed the stroller almost the entire time, so poor him!

Leaving today was bittersweet. I missed my dog Ziva, and we were ready to get out of that shoe box of a hotel, but leaving Mary, her daughter and niece was so hard! They were a joy to hang out with and get to know. And I can't wait to see her again!

How I forgave While still being Angry

Last night, I sat down with Matt on the couch and started talking. Not in my berating meanie voice either. I just needed to talk without him interupting or trying to blame me in any way shape or form.

I told him that I was upset that he went behind my back, and that he lied to me, but what upset me the most is the fact that I didn't know he was lying and that scared me. That it was scary knowing that he was lying straight to my face numerous times, and that I didn't know. That I had no hint that he was hiding something from me. That if he could do that so easily about the money he borrowed from his mom after I said no, what else could he lie about?

I think he gets it now. I hope he does. Here's to moving forward.

How do you forgive when you are still angry?

I don't think this is a skill I ever picked up. Moving around so much in foster care, you didn't need it. You just picked up and left the problem there. I feel like a kid asking this question, yet here I am at 27, not really sure how to do this. It's feels pretty pathetic.

He did wrong. He went behind my back and betrayed my trust. And I know I still wouldn't have known if I hadn't of opened his bank statement. What does that say about him? Does he deserve my forgiveness? I know to a lot of people, money is not that big of a deal, but to me it is. And when he keeps trying to justify it, it just makes me even angrier. I mean, how do you look someone in the eye, and lie to them, without even blinking? I think that's what makes me feel the worst. That he lied to my face, over and over, and I didn't even know. There wasn't even a hint.

How do you trust a person knowing they can lie like that? Especially after allowing yourself to trust them in the first place? I feel stupid. That's how I feel. Stupid. Maybe the problem was letting my guards down. I stopped looking for the lies. I allowed myself to trust him fully. And I was wrong. He could do it. Lie, even over something as trivial as money. And it's why I can't trust his excuses.

And the bad part? He still doesn't get it. He still thinks I am over reacting. And I can't get him to see the real point. And I am tired of trying.

Writers Block

I've hit it. I have so much I could be writing about, but I am stuck. I don't know how to get it out.

First off, I am stressed about the wedding. And depressed. Not about the wedding, but about myself. And going through old pictures yesterday and seeing how thin I was at 17/18 didn't help. Hell, even how much smaller I was just 3 years ago! I don't understand how Matt can be attracted to me now. I feel sorry for him, and my depression is making me lash out at him.

Second, his job. Unemployment is keeping our noses above water, but barely. I am just wanting to throw my head against a brick wall. Hard. It's been over a month now. They need to get the new stores open, fast. Right now, his boss has him working on stuff, but is not even paying him, and I am wanting to cry. This isn't fair!

Third? I am lonely. Not in the essence of no one is around. I have two children that cling to me, and a fiance that loves me, but I don't get out anymore. The last girls night out that I had? It's when I went to a concert with Melody, Lauren, and Liz. Yeah. That's how long ago it was. Melody doesn't return my calls, and Lauren and Liz have their own lives... I am just lonely. And that doesn't really help when you are already depressed.

An odd 4th of July

We were planning to do a cookout with Matts mom this year, but want we really wanted to do is head to the mountains. Out of the blue, Sharan offers up this same suggestion! Below are a few pictures from our day visiting the Churches of the Frescoes, in the North Carolina mountains. Ben Long is the artist, who I was happy to learn was from the town of Statesville, NC. Not technically my hometown, but definitely the place I adopted from the ages of 9 through 17.

We had a wonderful time up there. The frescoes were beautiful, and being placed in these tiny old churches made it so much better. I have a weakness for little itty bitty churches. I don't know what it is, but I find them so beautiful. If the wedding had been smaller, as I originally planned, we would be getting married in one.



Sharan, Matt, and Chloe


Matt and Me


I loved this the most. It just stood out so well


The lighting when I took this was perfect


His personal Last Supper vision


Underneath one of the churches, you can have your ashes placed. You choose the item you wish to have your ashes stored in. This seemed so special to me. As if each jar or pot spoke about the person inside. This isn't even half of them.


This was one of the statues in the yard. Matt loved it, so I snapped it for him.

$216 LATER....

Made it to his appointment. Was not killed by South Carolina serial killer, but that's possibly because he might have been killed himself, earlier during the day in North Carolina. Here I am worried about going to South Carolina, when apparently (speculation) he was living right down the road in an abandoned house. I really hope that it was him, and that Gaffney can finally begin to heal from this. They will never be able to truly return to normal.

Matt, the girls, and I headed down around 1:50. Got there a few minutes early and started looking at his choices. We kept arguing over what would look best on his face. His last glasses were big, but suited his face. Sorry sweetie, but you have a big head. And he seemed to forget that when looking at glasses. He was putting on these tiny things and getting agitated when I would just look at him as if he lost his mind.

Finally, we agreed on two pairs. Exact same style, one is black, one is gun metal. While he went back for his appointment, the girls and I played Simon Says. Which Emily has yet to grasp the concept of. She would lose, but then complain because, "Mommy, YOU said! Who's Simon?" At least she knows to always listen to mommy!

While playing, this creepy looking old white man kept staring over at us. I mean a cat stare. Eyes never blinking. Luckily, Matt didn't take long. He's was freaking me out. People, word of advice, just because you think kids are cute, don't stare, it's creepy and it freaks moms out.

When he got out, we sat down with who I will call the company salesman, who tries to up sell your glasses. The $69.00 option gets you in the door, but his job is to up sell. Which I quickly shot down. I don't like sales. I like seeing the information for myself. After realizing I wasn't going to hear it, he just gave us the information, and stepped off for us to discuss. Matt wanted to stick with the cheap plan, but I saw the benefit in upgrading. First, his eyes are AWFUL. He has no UV protection. Plus, his vision has gotten worse, so the plastic lens would be so thick, I would have to point and laugh. And, we could get one pair tinted, for driving purposes.

Now, he has two great pair of glasses, or at least will in 10 business days. When we get to drive back down there. YAY!!!!

RIP Glasses 2003-2009

South Carolina Bound!

Matt just broke his glasses. He's had this same pair for more than 4 years, so it's time anyhow I guess. I don't know. I have had the same pair of reading glasses since I was 18, so who knows.

So, I scheduled him an appointment at Americas Best in Rock Hill for tomorrow. 2 pair of glasses for $69.00 or some crap like that. Not that we really have the money, but how is he supposed to work blind?

And guess who's driving? Guess who hates driving with him as a passenger? And now as a legally blind passenger? That would be the typist of this. Can't wait to hear it. "You're going to fast! There's a car in front of you! Stop using the brake! AHHH!!! You're going to kill us all!!!"

Can I knock him out for the trip?