Friday, July 10, 2009

Writers Block

I've hit it. I have so much I could be writing about, but I am stuck. I don't know how to get it out.

First off, I am stressed about the wedding. And depressed. Not about the wedding, but about myself. And going through old pictures yesterday and seeing how thin I was at 17/18 didn't help. Hell, even how much smaller I was just 3 years ago! I don't understand how Matt can be attracted to me now. I feel sorry for him, and my depression is making me lash out at him.

Second, his job. Unemployment is keeping our noses above water, but barely. I am just wanting to throw my head against a brick wall. Hard. It's been over a month now. They need to get the new stores open, fast. Right now, his boss has him working on stuff, but is not even paying him, and I am wanting to cry. This isn't fair!

Third? I am lonely. Not in the essence of no one is around. I have two children that cling to me, and a fiance that loves me, but I don't get out anymore. The last girls night out that I had? It's when I went to a concert with Melody, Lauren, and Liz. Yeah. That's how long ago it was. Melody doesn't return my calls, and Lauren and Liz have their own lives... I am just lonely. And that doesn't really help when you are already depressed.

No comments: