Great Way To End 2010

December 30, 2010: Spent with Christie and my friend Joseph. I hadn't seen Joe in 9 years. I cooked dinner for them and we had a pretty good night talking and laughing about the past and the present.

December 31, 2010: Spent the day with the woman who was like a mom to me and the girl who was my sister growing up. They got to meet Alice (Thumbelina is with her dad for the weekend). It was wonderful. Though 10 years have passed, it felt like no time at all. Honorary mama hasn't changed a bit, and Twin has grown up to be so beautiful (well, she always was). Her kids are adorable. Her oldest is just like mine, her carbon copy.

So, as I ring in 2011 tonight, I will remember my past. And those who helped shaped my future.

I Get My News From My Online Friends

You know my friends who live in the cyber world?





Today one of them linked this article. In case you don't click random links in blog posts, the gist is this, Man suspects wife of cheating, checks her email, finds out wife is a whore cheating on him with her 2nd husband. 2nd husband beat wife in front of her young child, so current husband forwards the information to whore's 1st husband, and the 1st husband goes after the wife for custody as she's putting their child in a dangerous situation. Again.

This is all fine, until they learn how 1st husband got the information. Now current husband (well, now he's an ex. Divorce was finalized last month) is waiting to go on trial for hacking. Yes, that's right. He's looking a 5 years in prison for looking at his whore wife's emails.

This doesn't sit right with me. Mostly because I do not believe you have a reasonable absolute right to privacy in a marriage. It's like your job. If you are looking up porn, they know. It's not just your work computer, it's the companies computer. Same goes for the house. It's your personal computer, but I'm betting it's household funds who bought it.

She's a whore, and she still fucked him.

Frosty The Snowman

And To All A Good Night.

Merry Christmas To All

(It's a scan, so the quality isn't great.)

Caraway Baby Jesus

I am Caraway ~Caraway Jesus

I was at Hobby Lobby with the family recently, picking out our annual Christmas ornaments (wound up getting them at Kohls), when I noticed their giant nativity set. Poor baby Jesus looked like someone had kicked a hole into his head. I was pointing it out to my husband, when I suddenly noticed how shockingly WHITE Jesus and his fellow nativity friends were. I'm talking never seen the sun white. Baby Jesus had some seriously rosy cheeks (I suspect Nativity Mary broke out some rouge. Jezebel). Baby Jesus was lying in the manger, chubby cheeked, blonde haired, and big blue eyes.

"Um.... Wait a minute".... <---- That's the thought that went through my head as I giggled. I mentioned it to Matt, thinking it was hilarious. "Jesus wasn't white" I giggled. I noticed two women looking at me funny, and figured they thought I was making fun of how holy Jesus was from someone kicking the back of the head. Feeling slightly ashamed that someone would think that, we continued to walk off. When the two women thought I was out of ear shot, I overheard them discussing the Mexican saying baby Jesus wasn't white. I turned around with a brilliant smile on my face and called to the "well, he wasn't!" I thought I was about to have to throw down in Hobby Lobby. "Mexican kicks middle aged white woman's ass" would have been the headline. Except... I'm not Mexican. Idiots. Yes, I know I know. We don't know for sure what Jesus looked like. However, we do know the area he was born and lived. We also know his family fled to Egypt to hide. So, putting that information together, it's extremely doubtful that Jesus was Anglo Saxon. Sorry if this is upsetting. I was discussing this on one of my mommy boards, and a friend of mine, Rosalie (maybe I've mentioned her? Once or twice?), said that Jesus was Caraway. The favorite color of any respectable BHB mom.

So, God bless the sweet caraway baby Jesus. And yes, his hair was Tobacco Road. How did you know?

Hi.

I'm still here. Holidays are busy even when I'm not baking up a storm. For now, I'll leave you with this random photo.

Ho Ho Ho

Special thanks goes out to a certain BHM mama for finding our final Santa gift. With the Stuff for Stuff club money and a free shipping code, I was able to get Alice's final present for only $.78. Total bargain WIN right there.

The Grinch Who Stole Mascara

Jaws Has Become Reality?

I'm scared of sharks. Not that I've ever noticed being in the water with a shark, but I'm always afraid it will happen. I've seen jaws one too many time I guess. I've decided (even after living a year in Myrtle Beach) that I'll mostly stick to land, as long as they stick to the water. Seems fair.

Today I came across this story. Over in the Red Sea, 5 people have been attacked by what they now acknowledge is the same shark. They didn't name the shark, but say it's a migratory one. I'm assuming the shark isn't being named to protect the species. You don't want crazies out there killing all the sharks they can just because it's a certain breed.

All I know is that one freak incident is enough to convince me that the water is still dark. And terrifying. Even if it is more realistic that I would be killed by a cow.

Y'all are 8 and 5. LOOK LIKE IT!

I took these for the Christmas card this year. My babies look so much older to me in them!

Rest In Peace Ms. Edwards

I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to write Mrs. I feel you deserved so much better than that. You were a beautiful woman. A woman who is a credit to women everywhere. We can only strive to reach the grace that you have had since being thrust into the spotlight of America.

You will be missed.

And So This Is Christmas...

Dear Children Of The World

If your family is poor, or for some reason, you find yourself in foster care, it's time to stop believing in magic and start being realistic. You are not entitled to Christmas. How dare you ask for anything that you don't NEED. Greedy brats.

For good measure, I'm heading down to the shelter to kick puppies. Anyone want to join me for that?



*This post is brought to you by Sarcasm

The Ugliest Jacket The Whole Wide World

Or at least she would have you think so with the way she screamed, moaned, and cried over having to wear it in 28 degree weather. Apparently, it's not cold at all! However, she still wants to take a sweater to wear in class since she gets cold sitting here. Wait, what? The school keeps it below 28 degrees?

If You Are Easily Offended...

Cover your eyes and run away screaming now.

Princess Sparkle Butterfly Thumbelina

'Nuff Said.

(yes, that's what she changed her name to in real life)

Payback's A *Bleep*

I think I caught the stomach virus. Either that or I just am feeling ill for no reason. Either way, I'm out of commission and it's Matts job to play Mr. Mom.

He isn't doing well...

He made the girls dinner (chicken nuggets for nights like these), and then started making my chicken noodle soup. I had to walk him through how to make a can of Campbells, laughing to myself. While doing that, Alice asks him where she was supposed to throw something away, because there was no bag in the trashcan. "OH MY GOD! Everyone quit coming to me with all these problems!"

It gets better. He sits down, and after a bit, Thumbelina comes out, says her tummy hurts. When he finally gets up (10 minutes later), she's feeling better, so off to bed, no meds needed. About 15 minutes later, she comes back out to get some Pepto because she says it's hurting again. He gets up, gets her pepto, sends her back to bed and then rants that he's tired of getting up. He just wants to rest.

Being ill sucks, but it's almost worth it. Almost.

If Christmas Trees Could Talk

If your tree could talk about how it felt about the holidays, would it be "Oh, I hope they pick me! I want to be the one they think is perfect!"? Or would it be, "For fucks sake! I was cut down, thrown on a dark truck, dragged away from the other trees, just so some asshat could drill a hole in me, throw hot lights that burn my branches, and shove this irritating hat on me? What the fuck? I ought to throw these stupid glass balls at their stupid heads"

This Could Have Easily Been Mine

I'm 28, but still terrified of the dark. I feel like a freak.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Last night we got the Christmas stuff out of the attic. I'm almost ready to throw the snow globes out the window! One of our snow globes water changed colors. It almost looks like twilight in there. (not the book, the time of day). Matt is all upset. He loves the globes. We don't know what happened.

One of the snow globes plays Santa Clause Is Coming To Town. The girls were singing and Alice pointed to Thumbelina on the "going to find out who's naughty" and to herself on the "nice" part. Emily stood up and screamed "YOU'RE THE NAUGHTY ONE! I'M THE NICE ONE!"

Yes, I cracked up laughing.

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching

A friend from high school posted the following on Facebook today:

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching

Well, I do know that my life will be interesting to watch, but I also realize there will be tons of moments where I want to bury my head and scream "WHY THE HELL IS SHE DOING THAT?!!!?"

Results

I got Alice's MRI results today. Totally normal. So that's one small weight off my shoulders for now. She has to be x-rayed every six months, so in April, they'll have to x-ray to measure if the curve is getting worse.

For now, we are calm. :)

42, however, some are repeats!

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. Instructions: Copy this into your Notes. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or ones from which you read an excerpt.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare - Bolded because I've finished the ones I've read. Honestly, I think I've read most!
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Honestly Harry!

Matt, Alice, and I went to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 today. I have to say that I loved it. Even with things that were left out, I still loved it. There was just one thing that was left out that really really bugged me, but I can't say anything. And that's the annoying part! I need more IRL people who love these movies so I can discuss. Sometimes it's a bit depressing.

I do have to say that they ended part 1 at the perfect spot. When you see it, you know it's where they will end, yet it's hard to realize it's already been 2 hours and 20 minutes!

How To Handle Things Like An Adult (for the most part)

I had an awful feeling today that Alice would need some support at school. I don't want to be the annoying mom, but I thought that eating lunch with her today wouldn't be an issue. I get up, get dressed, put on my best war paint, straighten my hair, and head off to her school at 10:55 (her school is literally a 2 minute drive away). I sign in at the office and then sit on the bench in front of the lunchroom, waiting on my daughters class.

Another class comes through first. Adrienne's class. We spot each other at the same time. Her eyes widen and she quickly looks away, down at the floor. Another girl openly stares at me, I assume her to be Courtney (which was later confirmed). Their class goes in, and I wait a few minutes longer for Alice's class. To be honest, she didn't seem to care that I was there, but a few other girls did. Brandy ran up and hugged me.

They were able to have "free lunch" today, which means they get to sit with their friends, instead of boy-girl-boy-girl. All of the girls except for one come and sit with Alice and me. We talk and laugh. The girl that didn't come sit with us? Yeah, Meredith. She was sitting with this boy who I've met before and honestly, he really seems to have a crush on my daughter. I haven't told her this, but he is so cute, because when we met, he told me that he was so glad that Alice won the writing contest. Meredith starts whispering in his ear and he looks over at us. I ignore it for the most part, we are having fun laughing at our end of the table. One of the girls is ready Last Song, the Nicholas Spark novel?

At that point, this boy gives Meredith a strange look, gets up, and moves to our end of the table, with all of us girls. He keeps trying to engage Alice in conversation. It was so cute. If I only thought he liked her before, now I know he does. He only wanted her attention. Yes, she's too young for that, but as mom, I thought it was adorable.

Finally, it was time for them to go back to class. Adriennes class was already lined up. Both classes hit the playground together after lunch, so they were waiting on us. As I passed Adrienne, I smiled at her and said "Hi Adrienne!", as if nothing wrong had ever happened between my daughter and her. I think I shocked her because her eyes got really wide and her mouth kind of dropped open. I just kept my smile in place and waved. She sort of nodded her head.

All of Alice's friends gave me a hug and asked me to stay. It made the strong mom part of me feel so much better that my daughter has these friends around her. Knowing that my daughter will not be alone. While she still needs me to protect her from the bad, she has the friends who can support her.

Hopefully, making my presence known, is enough to calm things down a bit. I know that it's scary to attack a child knowing you might see her mom right around the corner. ;)

Shutterfly

Where do I like to go for my holiday cards? Shutterfly. I've made holiday cards at other places and have honestly not been that satisfied with the final product, but with Shutterfly, I don't seem to have that problem. This holiday, I'm getting the retro plaid 5x7 folded card. It really fits my loved holiday theme. Understated, but pretty. Shutterfly is great because they have so many different styles to choose from, you are bound to find one that you love. You can check out all of their 5x7 folded cards HERE.

My husband just reminded me that he's almost done with the calendar that Thumbelina made him. It's a calendar filled with her artworks that she made a preschool. He actually sounded pretty sad about it, so I decided I would make him a photo calendar! That way, he can show off pictures of his girls. I made one with Shutterfly for my MIL last year, and she loved it. So I'll be checking out the calendar section for him later today.

So You Think "Bully" Is Overused?

Alice is having issues with girls at school. It started on Monday and ended today with the school putting a giant target on my childs back. But, let's start at the beginning. For the purposes of this story, names of the bullies have been changed to people I couldn't stand in middle school for the same.

There is a girl in Alice's class who thinks she's the Queen Bee. Honestly, she kind of is. Let's call queen bee Meredith. Meredith is of the belief that when she doesn't like you, she tells people not to be your friend, and you follow those rules or else. I told Alice to stop. To tell Meredith no. On Monday, Alice's friend Erin tripped on her shoe lace and fell into Meredith. Meredith told everyone that Erin pushed her on purpose. Even cried to the teacher. Erin got in trouble, despite it being an accident. No one was shocked, because apparently, this is Meredith's M.O. As you can guess, Erin became persona non grata according to the rule of Meredith. Alice said No.

Fast forward to recess. Meredith has a boyfriend named John and a best friend named Adrienne. Adrienne used to be a really good friend of Alice's. She spent the night here and even went on a trip with us to the zoo. This year they are in different classes and grew apart. Normal in elementary school. I thought nothing of it. On the playground, Adrienne comes up to Alice and starts yelling at her about telling Meredith that she still believed in Peter Pan. She then pushes Alice on the ground and tells her she is going to beat her up. Alice gets up and and Adrienne tries to jump on her and punch her. Alice pushes her off and runs. Merediths boyfriend John chases after her. When John couldn't catch her, their other friend Courtney tries to get her. At this point, the teachers who failed to notice a thing, yell that recess is over. So Alice is safe.

When she gets home, Alice relays the story to me. I asked her why she told anyone that Adrienne still believes in Peter Pan (yes, it's true) and she says they were just talking, that Meredith brought it up first. I also asked her why she didn't tell a teacher, and she stated the fact that she didn't want to get in trouble, because they would lie. (As mentioned above, it happens). I made her repeat this story again and again. It's now Wednesday and the story has not changed at all. I believe my daughter. I did tell her that gossiping is wrong and that Adrienne had a right to be upset, but not a right to put her hands on Alice. I call the school and am told the principal is in a meeting, so I leave a message. School never calls back.

I send Alice to school Tuesday and assume they are probably going to talk to the kids today since I left the message. Alice gets home and says no one talked to her, but that Meredith told her Adrienne said she was going to punch her in the face. Alice confronts Adrienne who says "yeah, I did". Once again I call the school, only to have to leave yet another message.

Matt is off today, so we just head up to the school ourselves, only to be told that the principal isn't in, and that all issues must first go through the teachers. OK... I couldn't be told that on the phone? Alice's teacher calls me during lunch and I explain the entire situation. Alice's teacher tells me that they have had a lot of trouble from this group on the playground this year. It's not the first issue. Basically, they are the Mean Girls. She says she is going to talk to the teacher that 2 of the students are in. She will email me the resolution. I'm fine with this.

Until Alice gets home and informs me that the other teacher handled the entire thing, Adrienne didn't get in trouble. What they did was punish the entire 3rd grade for this. No longer can they play on the open field and the teacher told them it was because of the two of them that this happened. So what did Adrienne do? Ran and told her friends that it was Alice's fault. Who then came up and yelled at Alice on the playground, telling her it was all her fault. I told Alice to next time roll her eyes, flip her hair, and walk away. Alice's teacher and I both told her to stay away from this entire group. Especially Meredith, since I think as ring leader (teacher agrees fully), caused the drama on purpose. Everything was fine between them all until my daughter stood up and said "no, I will still be her friend".

So, basically what the school did to handle a GANG UP on my child was paint a bigger target, placing the blame of loosing a coveted spot on her. This household is not happy right now, and very disillusioned with how a school protects its students.

The Cake. It Is A Lie

It's time for the annual Lie To Your Kids Season! Otherwise known as the weeks leading up to Christmas. (Thanksgiving? Never heard of it). On the BHB, it's already started. Do you let your kids believe in Santa? You do? Heathen! You are lying to your children! LYING!

Yeah, what ever. I'm sorry, if you come at me with that crap, I'm going to laugh and consider you a nutcase. Yeah, sure you never lie to your kid. I know I do. All the damn time. As a mom, those white lies come in handy. But imagination and faith are not lies. I find it funny that someone throwing God in my face would say that our faith is a lie.

Dear Waitress Last Night

Let me explain to you why we left you only 10% (If your manager hasn't let you know by now. We informed him as well)

First, it took you 5 minutes to come get our drink orders. We chalked this up to the fact that the place was busy. While waiting, we listened to the drunk ass rednecks beside us yelling "Fuck you! I'm gonna kick ur ass!" Isn't there a NC law about cutting off patrons that are obviously intoxicated?

Finally you came and got our drink orders... Going to bring them to us? We're waiting. For that matter, our salad and bread would be good too.

Oh! Yay! Drinks! But you're not our server? Oh, there she is. Hugging and talking to her friends. Did she just... sit down?

Appetizer? Mmm... Friend mushrooms. Love them. You're not our waitress either, but you walked off before we could get a side of ranch. Husband can't do the sauce you guys bring alone. Heartburn. Waitress, where are you? Back at the table of your friends? Oh, look at that. They have their salad, bread, drinks, and appetizers. Wait, didn't they get here 15 minutes after us?

Oh, sorry you heard us asking another server for bread and the ranch. Oops. You were going to have someone get the bread for us? Might want to talk to them, they seem to be slacking.

Oh look! There's the bread! And our salads. Guess that person you asked to do your job isn't working out for you, since you brought them yourselves. And back to your friends!

Oh... The steaks look delicious. I feel sorry for the person bringing them. She got a bit confused. But I can understand as she's not our server either. I know that boys usually like their steak pinker than girls, but I promise, the medium rare is mine. He's the medium. Scouts honor! No, I never was a scout, but you get it. Thanks for my steak!

Would be nice to get some more rolls.... Oh look, you're back with your friends. You know, maybe if you didn't sit and talk with them so much, you might have time to... Oh never mind!

Damn. Never saw you again! We finished dinner, but now we don't need the rolls. Check please? Hell no I don't want desert. I have no fucking clue how long it will take for me to get it.

MR Aye Yi Yi!

Alice had her MRI yesterday. I was up at 4:06am, they were up at 4:30. We made it to Levine with time to kill and had fun looking at this thing they had hanging from the ceiling. It was full of those plastics crystals and so beautiful. I want one for the girls room! Mr. Peaches mom told us that you can buy a crystal for $100 to donate to the piece. Ouch.

They called us back to take a medical history and explain what was happening. I had to give all the information 3 times, to 3 different set of people. Alice and Mr. Peaches had to leave the room because Alice was getting freaked out by what they were saying. Nothing scary, but the 8 year old mind, the unknown is terrifying. She was especially upset that they only allowed one of us to come back with her. She chose me, but she wanted her dad there too.

The nurse doted on her. I know it's their training, what they have to do, but it made her feel so at ease. I wanted to hug them all tightly for it. She laid down on the table in the MRI room and they put a pinkish purple mask over her nose and mouth. About 5 seconds later, the laughing gas kicked in, and she did nothing but smile. She fell asleep a minute later and doesn't remember talking girl scouts. I kissed her cheek and walked out. Even remembering it brings tears to my eyes. You don't want to leave your baby!

Back in the waiting room, Mr. Peaches was half asleep. The man needs his sleep. I think he functions best under 18 hours a day. We got a pager and went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. We hadn't eaten because Alice couldn't eat. We sat there and talked for a while about the whole thing. About what was going to happen. A part of me hoping it's a cyst, or even a benign tumor that they can just get rid of and we can be done with it all! No more curving of her back, and all back to normal. The other part of me terrified it's going to be something more. Malignant. Or that it's going to be nothing and the curve will grow worse. My head is still a mess.

We head back up the the waiting room, and wait. He's reading and trying to catch a few z's, and I'm reading, trying not to let my min wander. It's going to be 2.5 hours. That's a lot of wander time. After a while, his mom calls down and tells us to come up to the recovery floor to meet the people. It's a nice waiting room. They have wi-fi and computers, plus a playroom. Anything to keep you occupied. MIL comes in and starts to show us off. Show off her hospital. Hospitals are not cheery, but this one came pretty close to it. The nurses were all smiles and wonderful to meet.

They found out that Alice was coming up in 10 minutes, so they tried to hurry us out. Parents can't be in the room at first. I found out why when I saw my baby being wheeled down the hall, wrapped up, with a tube down her throat. I don't think I'm ever going to forget that sight. I hope I don't have to see anything like that again in my lifetime.

They called us back after about 10 minutes, when they got it situated. Alice was still asleep, but starting to stir. She doesn't really remember much, but it was a struggle to get her to stay down once she started waking up. She just wanted to go. I kept having to tell her to lay down, that mommy was here. She would lay down and fall back asleep, only to wake right back up, not remembering a thing. She moved and thrashed so much, that she caused her IV to start bleeding out on the bed.

When she was finally awake, she ate some crackers and had a Shasta lemon lime. She was groggy but ready to get out. Mr. Peaches went and got the van, while they wheeled her out. Her hospital adventure over, my half out of it Lizard (my nickname for her) was hungry and demanding. I half felt like I was dealing with her former 3 year old self. She settled on Subway. A spicy Italian on wheat. After that, her bearings started to clear up, and she didn't seem like she was stumbling on herself.

We have a follow up appointment November 23. In 12 days we'll hear the results. Keep us in your thoughts please.

I Saved The Tangles For You!

Thumbelina brushes her own hair in the morning, and then I always double check. This morning, I noticed that the top was perfect, but the bottom had tangles all around. "Thumbelina", I said, "You seem to have forgotten to brush the bottom!"

"No Mommy, I saved the tangles for you!"

At least I Didn't Have To Return My Shopping Cart

Husband just gave Slut Jolie a 5, maybe a 6. Jennifer Aniston? He gave her a 9. Either he's terrified of my wrath, or I've converted him. Let's stick with conversion. Makes me sound less evil.

Yesterday, I went out the store, enjoying my moment free of children. I grabbed some milk, 2lbs of deli meat, a large container of strawberry yogurt, a can of Pringles (shut up), and even found a Halloween shirt in Mr. Peaches size for $1.00 (75% off!). I get up to the line and wait for what feels like forever, leaving time for me to grab a chapstick. Not my favorite, a cherry one, since they stopped carrying all of the ones I loved. The cashier was having to cash out, and by that point, she was done. She rings me out, handing me the chapstick, which I throw in my purse. I slide my card, off in my own little world.

Declined.

Wait, what? Declined? Oh no. No no no. I have money, the card is fine. Slide again.

Declined.

WTF? No, let's try this one more damn time.

(do I really have to tell you it was declined?)

Hanging my head in embarrassment, I apologize and start to walk off, insisting that I do have the money. That's when the humiliation gets a bit worse. She reminds me to hand over the chapstick. Crap. I swear, I wasn't trying to steal the crappy cherry chapstick! Luckily for me (yeah right), the bank is in the same area, so I quickly drive over, only to find it slammed. It's 1:30 on a Friday, but even this is insane. Apparently, the ATM ate a womans check card and she's refusing to move, sending people to park so they can use the side machine.

After being able to finally park, I go in a wait until I can speak with a CSR. A man comes up, let's call him Dave, and asks to help me. Dave takes me in his office and starts to figure out the problem. Apparently a retailer screwed up. Big time. To protect me, they turned off my card. Yay? Of course, their story is that they turned my card off on the 21st. Which doesn't make any sense, as I used it quite a few times after that. They also swear they mailed me a new card, which I should have already gotten. Um... no. They have no idea why I didn't know! I ask them to check my husbands card as well, and Dave tells me that his card was perfect. No problems what so ever. Which makes sense. He'd bought Dunkin Donuts the night before. Worked fine. Plus, Dave just confirmed that his card was working perfectly.

Lying sack of shit. No really. I'll get to that. I came home and settled down for a bit, wasting time until my sisters pampered chef party. The mail shows up, and shocker of all shockers, guess what's in the mail? A freaking day late? Well, we have no milk, but at least I have a working card. Alice and I head off to the party. (By the way, Pampered Chef BBQ Chicken Pizza? Awesome!!!)

We get home at 9, Alice goes to bed, and DH heads out to Dragon Wok to get my fried wontons and beef and broccoli. Guy behind the counter swipes his card.

Declined.

See why I called Dave a lying sack of shit? Today I called the main office to find out what the hell is going on. Instead of the fraud story they gave me for mine, they say they cut his off for suspicious activity. What suspicious activity? Donuts and Chinese? Were they afraid their account holders might be pregnant? (no, I'm not pregnant. The combo does make it sound like I am though!) Donuts and Chinese are now suspicious? Wonder what would happen if he bought duck tape and a knife?

Oh, and he'll have his card in 5-7 business days. We are so switching banks.

Spring Butterfly Bento

This one is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat, cut with a butterfly cookie cutter, and then two small tulip cutters (same sandwich). Alice won't eat celery right now, so I had to use baby carrots to make stems and grass.

Y'all Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind!

In your head, you are singing "up in here, up in here" right now, aren't you? Thought so. I have been at the school almost every day this week. First for the AIG meeting, then for the Parent/Teacher meeting, and then for the Young Authors social. Where I got to hear one little boy lament that he didn't win. Which he should have, because his story was better than everyones! I felt bad for the kid.

The P/T conference was the usual praising of Alice. She's reading on a higher level, 183wpm, when the goal for the 9 weeks is 77. On a scale from A-U in reading comprehension, she's tested off the charts (as did 4 other kids in her class! Yay!) The goal for that is between N-O.

Then we moved on to the fact that this teacher is more perceptive than Alice's other teachers. I finally have someone who makes me feel like it's not just me. An ally in my court so to speak. Who knows, she actually sounded pretty amazed that I wasn't arguing with her personal assessment, so she might feel the same! Alice is lazy and irresponsible. I know, she's a 3rd grader, but I expect more from her. So does her teacher! Yay!!!!! Alice has decided that she's a special snowflake who can rush through things, and it's messing with her grades. My child is special to me, but she's no more special than any other snowflake in that school. She has to realize this. I think she's been coddled too much. Is there a such thing as over praising a child? I think that's what happened.

On top of that, she fails to be responsible for her own things. I see this at home, and it's apparently happening in school as well. It's something we have been working on at home and I am so happy that her teacher is doing it there as well. The only person responsible for Alice is.... Alice. (Yes, I know. But for this portion of the lesson, this is the rule she needs to learn)

This leads me to going "WTF IS GOING ON????!?!?!?!?!?" This morning was hell morning. She wouldn't get out of bed (she fell out at 7:40), she came in with an attitude over breakfast (she didn't want peach oatmeal, she wanted strawberry), she didn't want to drink her milk (it tasted funny), lied about brushing her teeth (Swear I did!), put on a skirt with no tights after I told her it was cold (and proceeded to cry her eyes out when I made her switch to pants because she didn't have time to put on tights now...), listlesly combed her hair, leaving me to pick up that slack. Finally brushed her teeth, only to miss her bus. This of course made her cry, because I made her sit on her bed until Mr. Peaches could take her to school.

I don't know what got into her this morning, but if bed time has to be moved up to freaking 7pm, I'll do it! (currently, set at 8pm)

Congratulations to the 3rd Grade Essay Winner!

How I Found My Furry Friend

Two and a half years ago, I really wanted a dog. This is the story of how I found Ziva.

One Saturday morning my mom woke my sister Thumbelina and me up. She pulled into a place called Cabarrus Pet Society, a blue house on South Main Street. We went in through the back and we looked at all the dogs. Some were so cute! There were giant dogs and smalls dogs. Mommy said no to all the small dogs we saw because they were too hyper.

We finally walked onto the front porch and saw some really cute puppies. My sister and I screamed "PUPPIES!!!" My mom screamed "NO!!!" We looked to the right and saw two small dogs. It was a mother dog and her puppy. I grabbed my mom and begged her to look. A lady offered us to come inside the cage. We said yes and went inside the cage and sat down with the dogs. They came to us and sat on our laps. We wanted to take both dogs home, but we could only get one. It was a hard choice, but we decided on the cute black and brown puppy.

We brought our new puppy home, and when my dad got home, we decided it was time to give her a name. My mom asked everyone what they wanted to name her. I said Cupcake. Thumbelina said Snow White. My dad wanted to name her from Lord Of The Rings. My mom said how about Ziva? My mom won, of course.

And that is the story of how we found our dog Ziva. We love her, no matter how silly her name is.

"They Gave Me Candy!"

Oh, Thumbelina was so happy tonight. She was the most excited she's ever been on Halloween. I guess the past 2 years have been more of an "Oh, OK. I get to dress up. Awesome!" This year, at 5, it's "I get candy from strangers? And my parents allow it? Really? AWESOME!"

What was sad is that not many people actually participated. What happened to Halloween? I grew up in a neighborhood who made a party of it. The parents (at least one) would stay home and all the kids would hit the circle up. It was an awesome night. A wonderful time. Now, nothing. I just don't get it.

But, the girls had a blast, so did their dad. He was happy to be able to do this with them. And that is what matters. Seeing Thumbelina running down a hill screaming "Mommy! They gave me candy!" was enough to bring a smile to my face for the night.

She Does Love Me. I Think?

Words from and 8 year old: "You don't have to dress up like a witch for Halloween Mommy. You already are one!"

This from the child who just this morning kicked me as hard as she could in my right breast. Mr. Peaches picked her up and walked up behind them. She saw me coming and kicked. Hard. It's 2 hours later and I still feel a bit sick from it. She "didn't realize I would actually hurt you mommy!"

Maura Kelly Needs a Therapist

“I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything,” she writes. “To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room.”

Yes. I am fat. I'm sorry Ms. Kelly that it is aesthetically displeasing for you to see me just walk across the room. I'm sorry that you think it's disgusting for me to kiss my husband. I'm so sorry that the world isn't going to conform to your version of pretty. I hope you can get some medication to help you tolerate the world that's not perfect.

Hopefully it doesn't make you fat.

Bitch.

We Stabbed It With A Knife And Then Gutted It

It's Beginning To Feel A Lot Like Fall!

Last night I made my apple and onion grilled chicken. It smelled wonderful and honestly, once I had it on the plate, it left me wishing Thanksgiving was here!


After we ate, we all painted our pumpkin gourds. They aren't done yet, they are a work in progress! I'll showcase the finished product soon. Promise. Right now, you can enjoy the start:

I will stop lying to my parents and start taking my schoolwork seriously

That is the sentence that Alice is currently in the kitchen bawling her eyes out over. She hasn't been exactly honest with us, and for some reason, I haven't been informed. How am I, the mother, supposed to know something is wrong, when it all seems fine on my end? It blows up on that end.

Apparently, the kids have to glue their homework into a notebook when they are done. I wasn't informed of this, and Alice hasn't been doing it, so she gets in trouble. I check her agenda off each day, because she does her homework, but apparently, glue is a part of it. No excuses. I get it. However, I can't enforce the damn rule if you don't inform the parents. (This is the part where you say, "Duh")

Why do we consider it lying? At her school, if you finish all your homework, you get to eat in the classroom on Friday. If not, you have to stay in the cafeteria. Alice has been keeping it from me that she has had to stay in the cafeteria a few times because she forgot to glue her homework in.

Have currently sent her to sit on her bed until she calms down. At this rate, she would be done with them if she'd just, you know, write them.

Harvest Fall Get Ghoulish

Bento lunches have gotten fun. A couple of days ago, I made a sweet fall harvest, only to find myself seething with creative jealousy when one of my online friends showcased her completely awesome ghoulish Halloween lunch. Jealousy is bad people. Bad, bad, bad.



See how sweet? Right down to the cheese heart on the fall leaf. But I wanted to make "L's" gross out Halloween lunch, so I tried my hand. It doesn't look as awesome, but I don't think it looks too bad. Bloody eyeballs (dyed red), then the cherry tomato eyeballs (dyed green), moldy fingers, and a bat PB&J. I wonder if she'll actually be able to eat it! The cheese I cut the eyes out of looked like swiss cheese, so I added it. Too bad I can't make a mouse!

Daphne Blake, The Preschool Years