Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I feel lost

I find myself hearing my husband say something, reading something, or just really anything, and wanting to run and tell them, but it's not possible. It's going to take some getting used to it, to move on fully. I'm not letting it ruin my days, but it's there, in the back of my mind, ruining me. One of my foster fathers once told me that it takes a good year to get over a break up. I think that might be true for normal people. I'm not exactly normal though, am I? I love deeply and I hurt deeply. It's always lasted longer for me. Is it because I dwell on it? Because I am not an open person, so that when I do open for someone it hurts harder?

On top of that, I'm still kind of angry. That's one of those 5 steps to emotional healing, right? My anger isn't from that anymore. It's from the lack of being able to defend myself and get the damn truth out there. Honestly, no matter what I say, it will be twisted by those already twisting it, so that's the reality. It would lead to more hurt feelings and more anger, so I am choosing to let people think what they want about me, and I am finishing up my 5 steps as quickly as I can.

2 comments:

My3grcs said...

I miss your posts on bbc and wish things could have been different. The haters will always be around, but please know that there are lots of people who miss you. I hope you know you are an awesome person!!

Princess Peaches said...

Thank you. :) I'll miss being there, and I'll miss seeing you!