Saturday, October 31, 2009

10 years ago today

I generally don't remember until a few days after, but today for some reason it popped in early. Every year around this time I get really really bitchy. And sad. And depressed. Why? It seems that from now until January, only bad things have happened to me my entire life. Every single awful thing that has happened has been in the months between mid October and January. Most recently being the restraining order I had to get last year on my mother. And then some private group things this year.

But I digress. 10 years ago today, my first love broke up with me. By instant messaging no less. He broke my heart. Took years to get over. Sad isn't it? I have only loved two men in my life and I married one of them and wouldn't trade him for anything. Yet, I still remember this day, and I don't think I will ever forget it.

Jason was my Edward Cullen. The person my world revolved around. The sun and moon set with him. And while most people forget everything surrounding a horrible breakup, I remember every single detail of my life for the next few months afterwards with remarkable clarity. How I sometimes wish I didn't. Because remembering it means I remember the nightmares and pain as well. I wasn't joking when I said he was my own personal Edward Cullen.

He is married now. With a daughter. Time seems to fly by so fast. 10 years. Really? Have I aged that much? I know this much, as much pain as it caused, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because of that, I set off down a path that led to my 2 beautiful little girls, and to the man that loves me and would never hurt me. A man I love with all of my heart. I feel pretty lucky. And maybe that's why I can remember this day and smile now.

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