I am sick of double standards. I am sick of being told I just need to get over and forgive people. How much am I supposed to take before I am allowed to break?
I was recently hurt by someone I thought was a friend, only to find out, she never really considered me a friend in the first place. Talk about a blow to the back of the head. I had hurt over this person, and spent hours trying to figure out if everything was OK with this person, only to hear that they were just not close to me at all. I lost it, I was very controlled in how I lost it, but people will never understand that.
I probably went through the 7 stages of grief on that one pretty fast. Anger was right up there. Acceptance? Maybe I should have handled it better than the "hairflip" everyone felt it was. Which to me, it wasn't. It was an actual gut reaction to something that pretty much woke me up. Woke me up to the fact that just because I consider someone my friend doesn't mean that they feel the same, and I need to start keeping my lifes better separated, or I risked getting hurt like that again. And I'm not going to do that.
But apparently, it's not OK for *ME* to do that. It's freaking fine and dandy for the rest of the free world, but I think I am supposed to be a saint? Not allowed to be hurt or angry? Not allowed to feel separated from people?
All in all this experience has taught me one really important fact: I need to rely on only myself, because everyone else will eventually show their true colors. And they are not that pretty, and they don't really give a shit about how YOU feel. And I need to remember to keep myself closed. I don't like being hurt. Because in the end, it wasn't just one "friend", it was almost all of them.