Monday, November 2, 2009

Diary of the daughter of an alcoholic

It's been over a year since we got the restraining order. It's lapsed now. We had some issues, but nothing where she ever violated it. We didn't see the need to push to have it renewed.

Halloween, my stepfather asked to come over to bring the baskets they put together for the girls. Chloe still won't see them and Emily was down for her nap. Matt said he seemed disappointed. For some reason, this made me feel really guilty.

While at Los Arcos I told Matt we should take the girls by. Call it nostalgia, or whatever, it was a split moment choice I never thought I would make. It took some major convincing for Chloe to agree to it. So Matt called to let them know we would be coming over. It was 8:30.

My stepfather said Thank you, but that they were sleeping, so not to come over. Really? Sleeping at 8:30 on a Saturday night? And not getting up to see your grandchildren that you were not legally allowed to see? Seeing your daughter/stepdaughter who you haven't seen in a year?

I instantly knew what the real story was. She was drunk. There was no doubt, still is no doubt, that she must have been drinking. My stepfather must be stupid. I used to live there. I know all the excuses.

And I am sad. I put myself out there and was shown what a stupid fool I really am.

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